Young and Stupid – Chapter VII – The Finale

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Before we commence with the finale of Young and Stupid, I would like to thank each and every reader for making this a great success. I enjoyed writing every bit of it, and I appreciate all the encouragement and feedback that I received from each one of you. As I promised the whole series is now available free for download.

Click here to download >>>>Young and Stupid – The Complete Series<<<<

Thanks once again for all the love. And now without further ado, here is….

Chapter VII – The Finale

 

The sound of the bell echoed through the house, striking a chord of fear in our hearts.

 

Please tell me that was your impression of the doorbell.” I rhetorically said. It rang again, this time sounding more like a death knell.

 

What do we do now?” she whispered.

 

Just stay right there, I’ll check through the peep hole, maybe it’s just the milkman or the paper boy.”

 

It’s almost seven thirty in the evening not morning.”

 

Oh dear lord no! Mom was supposed to be back by 8.”

 

What if it’s her? Oh my gosh, no! She’s going to find me here and freak out. We’re done for. I told you this was a bad idea, didn’t I?”

 

Look this isn’t a time for ‘told you so’. Clear the mess in the room quickly and I’ll go look through the peep-hole.”

 

I walked hesitantly towards the door hoping against hope that my mother wasn’t on the other side. I took a deep breath and looked through the peep hole. Sure enough, it was her. I could see her getting impatient as she rang the door bell again. I had to stall her. But how?

 

Is anyone in there?” she said aloud as she banged the door.

 

Coming!” I yelled back not sure what to do next.

 

What’s taking you so long? Open the door?” mom demanded

 

I just got out of the bathroom, ma. Just give me a minute.”

 

I looked inside the room, she had cleared the table and stood there awaiting her next orders.

 

Jump out the window. NOW!”

 

What? Are you mad? Jump out the window?” she said in shock

 

I live on the ground floor you know. No one in history has died falling from this height.”

 

Okay and then what next?”

 

Well go round the back again. Make sure no one spots you and then wait for me at the junction going to the main road. I’ll try to make it there as well. But if I don’t….”

 

No don’t say that.” she said like a heroine in a Hindi movie.

 

Arrey, all I meant to say is that. If I don’t make it there, just go home. No point waiting and getting late na?”

Okay I’ll change and leave.”

 

There’s no time for that, just leave.”

 

But…how can I go home looking like this….Arrey….okay you don’t have to throw me out the window you know?”

 

I helped her climb up to the window sill and jump outside. “Be careful.” I told her and then I turned to go towards the door. I decided to wet my hair for the ‘just out of the shower’ look.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. Mom entered suspecting foul play

.

Why did you suddenly decide to take a second bath?” she interrogated while scanning the room.

 

Oh you know me, ma. Hygiene freak that I am!”

 

Mom was somewhat shocked at the statement. I, the same person who could guiltlessly go a week or two without a bath, now claimed to be hygiene conscious. I had certainly pushed it too far with that. She eyed me head to toe, suspiciously noting my appearance. Ironed jeans, long-sleeved shirt (that too tucked in) and wet hair? Surely that did not add up.

 

What are you really up to? You look too fancy to have come out of the shower a minute ago.”

 

This old rag? You think this shirt looks fancy. I’ll tell you what’s fancy. Fancy would be something like…”

 

The orange t-shirt masi gifted you!” mom exclaimed.

 

Of course….the…orange t-shirt. yes…” I stuttered.

 

Thief! Thief! Someone’s running away with your orange t-shirt!”

 

Your tired, ma, you must be seeing things. Why don’t you sit down here?” I tried to draw her attention away from the window.

 

Stop fooling me, look out the window there. That girl is getting away with your t-shirt.”

 

Well what do you know? Let me have a closer look. Indeed it is the same t-shirt ma. But mine is a large, what she’s wearing is clearly a medium. It must be a coincidence.”

 

You just shut up and get out of my way.” mom brushed me aside and ran to the window.

Chor Chor!” she yelled and then she turned to me. “Don’t just stand there go and chase that girl.”

 

Mom, you’ve always told me it’s a bad thing to chase girls. How can I go against your words?” I said in a last ditch effort. Mom wasn’t going to fall for my ‘slick talk’ twice on the same day. She grabbed me by the arm and took me to the window.

 

Don’t think that I’m buying every word you say. Jump out and go after her!” she ordered.

 

I just realized I’m afraid of heights….okay okay you don’t have to throw me out the window.” I jumped feeling a sense of deja vu.

 

It was unlikely that the commotion would get past the ever-so-cautious ears of Mrs. Nosey. In no time she was at her window too.

Kya hua bhabhi?” she inquired in her Himesh-like nasal tone.

 

There’s a girl who’s sneaked into our building, she stole a t-shirt from the clothes line or something I think.”

 

Tch tch, see that’s why I put cloth pins on all the clothes I put out to dry.” she said looking down at her ‘dirty laundry’. That was the time she discovered to her horror that her beloved roses were missing.

 

Ahhhhhhh……Bhabhi, that chorni stole my roses too.” she screamed in a fit of panic.

I was about to burst out laughing, but I decided to play along.

 

What would anyone get out of stealing a poor little boy’s t-shirt and a nice lady’s roses, ma? This is unacceptable. I’ll chase that scoundrel down I tell you.” and so saying I ran off.

 

Go beta gooooooooo!” Mrs. Nosey’s words echoed through the building compound. I ran faster barely able to contain my laughter.

I headed towards the junction wondering if she’d be waiting there. Being spotted by mom must have scared her. I had to hurry, I ran with all the might that I had. A few meters later my heart threatened to jump out of me if I tried to go any faster. I slowed down to a jog-like pace. I must have been quite a sight jogging like a cross breed between a party-goer and a marathoner at 8 pm in the middle of the road. When I finally reached the junction, almost ready to collapse I didn’t see her at first. She then came out from behind a car and tapped me on my shoulder. I turned to her, she looked like a mixture of pale and bright orange.

 

Calm down, it’s okay now” I said breathing heavily.

 

But your mom spotted me how did you ever manage to get here.”

 

Long story, I’ll tell you.” I said, still panting. “Let’s get out of here first. I know a short-cut”

 

I lead her to a narrow lane between two building complexes. We stealthily made our way across like the Alcatraz escapees. On the way I filled her in on how I got there. Her reaction was a mixture of shock, laughter, awe and finally pity.

 

I’m really sorry I got all mad at you. If it wasn’t for you we would have been busted by now.”

 

Oh don’t you worry. It was really nothing.”

 

I was busy trying to act all modest when I heard a loud hi-pitched bark. We turned around to see a furious man with a soggy Pomeranian in his arms.

 

Oh shit, this is the stupid dog…” she said in total shock

 

And the stupid guy.” I completed her sentence. She nodded.

 

Hey you! You’re the girl who kicked Tiger into the gutter. You’re going to be sorry!” the man threatened.

 

Tiger!” we both laughed.

 

Oh you think he’s harmless huh? Well I’ll show you….Tiger choooo!!” he said as let the ‘ferocious beast’ loose.

 

We better run.” she warned me.

 

Please do you think this floor mop can actually harm us?”

I should have listened to her, because the very next second tiger locked his teeth on to the ends of my pants.

 

You gushy vushy mushy freak! Those are expensive jeans, let go of them!” I said as I kicked him away as we fled from the scene. Tiger followed in hot pursuit, the owner close on his heels egging him on. The passers-by stared in amusement as dog chased man and man chased dog.

 

It’s gaining on us.” she said running out of breath. “I can’t run much longer.”

 

I was too out of breath to even respond to that. As we were both about to be hunted down by our pursuer a larger beast roared on to the scene. It was Mr. Schumacher Rickshaw-wallah. He slammed the brakes and swerved right in front of us.

 

Saab, madam. Jaldi.”

 

We jumped in still dumbfounded by the chain of events.

 

Aap yaha kaise?” I asked.

Arrey Saab, if we rickshaw-wallahs can come to Himesh’s rescue all the way in Germany, can anything be impossible for us?” he proudly proclaimed as he blasted ‘Tera Suroor’ on his stereo (complete with Jhankaar beats of course). Tiger chased us doggedly, but finally gave up as Mr. Schumacher blew a cloud of smoke right in its face. We finally heaved well deserved sighs of relief. We soon reached her locality and stopped a safe distance away from her building.

 

Kitna hua bhaiyya?” she asked our driver.

 

Kya madam, bhaiyya bolte ho aur paisa poochte ho?” Mr. Schumacher was obviously a softy at heart.

 

Jab zaroorat ho yaad karna saab.” he saluted and turned his rickshaw around once again revving and whizzing into the distance. I saluted back as ‘Tera tera tera surooooor’ echoed in the distance.

 

After a quite a while I felt a sense of safety.

 

Wow it’s finally over and we didn’t get killed. That was a really close call!”

 

I wouldn’t feel to safe if I were you!”

 

Wha-what do you mean?” I said getting a little scared.

 

Well you know what I’m talking about; you were the one who started the whole mess in the first place. What the hell were you trying to do?”

 

What are you talking about?”

 

Don’t play the fool; you know what I’m getting at. Does spilling tea all over your girlfriend ring a bell?”

 

That was a genuine accident, I swear.”

 

The truth. Out with it!”

 

She meant business, it was best not to anger her further.

 

It was a misunderstanding. I thought…”

 

What did you think? Come on tell me.”

 

I thought that we were about to have our first kiss. Fine?”

 

Why would you think that?”

 

I don’t know I guess it was in the moment.”

 

And you just jumped to conclusions?”

 

How am I to know? We never talk about things like these.”

 

So talk to me about it. I don’t bite like Tiger does, you know?”

 

I didn’t want you to think I was like one of the other guys. You know how everyone obsesses over getting physical the moment you’re in a relationship.”

 

But you did want to do that too. What are you trying to be saint for now?” she retorted.

 

Well yes but no…you know we need to talk this out but I understand if you don’t want to.”

 

Yes, we need to, but for now you need to get back home and do a lot of explaining. Like what happened to the t-shirt or what took you so long, or what happened to Mrs. Nosey’s roses?” she chuckled.

 

I’m sure you’ll sweet talk your way out of this though. Somehow I get the feeling that you will”

 

God alone knows what I’m going to do. Well I guess I’ll get going then.” I turned and started to walk away.

 

Wait” she called out.

I turned around as she came towards me.

 

Yeah?”

 

She hugged me and pecked me on the cheek, “Go get ‘me tiger.” she giggled as she turned to leave.

 

I smiled at her and started to walk back. I had no clue what I’d say to mom, but somehow I wasn’t afraid. After all today, I found out that miracles do happen and that super-heroes do exist. Speaking of super-heroes. Where was Mr. Schumacher? Then in the distance I heard the familiar mix of nasal whining and revving. The superhero had arrived yet again to save the day. I prepared for another round whatever Mr. Fate chose to throw in my path. When you’re Young and Stupid, anything is possible. Absolutely anything!

By,

Paras Sharma

Young and Stupid – Chapter V

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Chapter V

 

Even though the rickshaw-wallah drove like a nervous 18 yr old at a driving test, we were home before we knew it. I got out first, paid our chauffeur for the evening and thanked him. He reciprocated the gesture. I then held my hand out for her and escorted her to the gate as the rickshaw revved and whizzed away in the background. The evening was progressing wonderfully, but now we were about to enter a land where we would have to watch our steps, lest we be watched. I rummaged through my pockets for my keys as leaned to her ear and carefully explained the next leg of the plan.

 

Okay, here’s the deal. We have to be really careful from hereon. My house is in the last wing which means we need to get from Wing 1 to Wing 3 without being noticed. If we go together, the chances of being spotted are multiplied tenfold. There are far too many vantage points. I can name the old man on the 2nd floor in wing 1 & the Secretary’s house in wing 2 just off the top of my head. Try and understand the gravity of the situation. One false move and we’ll be the talk of the town. Therefore we MUST and I say MUST follow what I say? Do you copy?” I said (feeling like an army general).

 

Did you just say ‘do you copy’? And what on earth is a vantage point?” she looked at me in bewilderment.

 

Ahh mademoiselle, you are far too innocent for this harsh world. Just go round the back while I head from the front gate and open the door for you, okay?”

 

Say like that na, idiot!” she knocked me on the head and then she giggled and walked towards the gate that led to the back of the building.

 

I took a deep breath and charged to my wing. I searched for ‘watching eyes’ as I passed wings 1 and 2. They were either uninterested this evening or hidden too well for me to spot them. I reached my door and opened it making as little noise as possible. I wasn’t going to let a creaky door spoil my careful preparations. I unlocked the door and waited for her to come with bated breath but there wasn’t a sign of her. Half a minute passed, still nothing. I started to get worried again, but I couldn’t go and see what was going on either, that would be too risky. She arrived just as I was about to hit the panic button.

 

Nice building”, she said as she casually strolled in.

 

I shook my head, “By the time this evening is done you’re going to give me a heart attack for sure!”

 

I carefully closed the door and then turned to her.

We made it! We got in here without being spotted!” I said ecstatically.

 

Not exactly Fort Knox you know?” she said as she warmly hugged me. She could have squeezed every little bit of life out of me there and it would have still felt wonderful.

 

You’re going to remember this one for a long time. I can bet my last buck you will.” I beamed with confidence.

 

I think you’ve already spent it. And by the way, you can thank me later for saving you the blushes at the bus stop.” she mocked me.

 

If someone hadn’t messed up the directions in the first place, I wouldn’t have had to go to the bus stop! How on earth did you manage to lose your way this time?”

 

Oh…nothing much, just a little diversion.” she casually said.

 

Accha, let’s hear the rest of that”

 

Arrey why are you wasting time now? The important thing is I am safe and sound, right?”

 

Of course, of course safety first, but I can sense there is an embarrassing story behind that nonchalance of yours.”

 

Non-what? Why do you keep confusing me with all these words?”

 

Okay then I ask you in layman’s terms. Spill it Missy!”

 

But nothing happened….”

 

Sure sure….now can we have the truth!”

 

She paused for a second then sighed and finally gave up. She put on her puppy face and said,

Promise you won’t laugh?”

 

You know I can’t lie to that face! Of course my dearest….I will laugh.”

 

No, it’s not fair it wasn’t my fault, it was all because of that stupid dog. I just went to pat it on the head and it just started barking like crazy. I tried to calm it down but it just got louder and louder.”

 

There, there strays can get mean.” I consoled her.

 

Chee, why’d I play with strays in that dirty gully? It was a nice Pomeranian, you now the furry, gushy-vushy-mushy ones….soo cute!”

 

Did you just say, ‘gushy-vushy-mushy’?” I laughed holding my sides.

 

Listen na, so I thought it would be nice and harmless, but that started to chase me. So I ran. And all those people on the road, they’re watching the tamasha they didn’t even bother to help!” she complained.

 

Stop it! You’re killing me here!” I was falling off my seat.

 

You too! Useless! Laugh! Don’t even wait for me to finish the story. You’re not even concerned how I tackled that beast!”

 

You mean the gushy-vushy-mushy beast”, I broke out into another fit of laughter.

 

She was embarrassed thoroughly but couldn’t help laughing either.

 

Cartoon!” she said as she whacked me on the head.

 

Please finish the rest of the story.” I said trying to regain my breath.

 

Well the damn thing was tugging at the end of my pants, I tried to fight it off but its jaws were locked on tightly. I just swung my leg and it went flying into the gutter. It was so funny. I mean, I felt bad for it, but then the evil thing chased me and made a mockery out of me”

 

Jeez, why do all the fun things happen when I’m not around?” I laughed hysterically banging my fists on the table.

 

Yeah and then a couple of minutes later a guy with a leash comes and asks me. Excuse me, I saw my dog running this way, did you see it? I just pointed in the other direction and scooted from there.”

 

You come here!”

 

We hugged chuckling like in-mates at an asylum.

 

For all that trouble you had to go through, I have a great time in store for you.” I said leading her to my room. I switched on the music player. The plan was now coming towards fruition.

 

How thoughtful of you to play the Bee Gees instead of all that screaming and yelling you usually listen to!”

 

Anything for you, your highness. You just wait here while I serve the main course for the evening.”

 

I headed to the kitchen and picked up the pre-arranged masterpiece and turned towards my room. I knocked on the door as I entered. The look on her face was what they call ‘priceless’. She sat in amazement as I placed the tray on the table and sat next to her. Talkative as she usually was, she was speechless then.

 

You….you didn’t have to go through all of this.” she gathered the words somehow and blushingly said.

 

It was all worth the look on your face”, I said handing a cup of tea to her. She gazed into my eyes as she held it. She then rested her head on my shoulder. The words “Perfect Moment” flashed before my eyes. False alarm again I thought being ever the cynic but this time it was really happening. The moment was here…