Who’s The Bigger Threat?

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Anyone who knows me or  has followed this blog, definitely knows that I’m a connoisseur of bad Bollywood cinema. To be honest with you, I’m the kind of guy who enjoys The Dark Knight and Purani Haveli in pretty much the same vein. Naturally then, I had more than enough reasons to be excited last month . For starters, Himess Bhai was about release his second movie Karz (with extra Zs free), which was destined to deliver a truckload of laughter for ‘fans’ like me before it went straight to hell on a haath gaadi. Sadly I didn’t manage to catch that awesome movie. Himess Bhai crashed out of the theaters before I could say ‘Ooooo Huzoooor!’ But all hope was not gone, because over the last month or so, a strange little man had emerged out of nowhere and suddenly taken over all the bus-stops and TV screens at Shoppers Stop, McDonalds and even the new digital signage at the railway stations. That man of course was KRK, producer and lead actor of Desh Drohi a man who we’ve already exalted earlier this week.

7th November was to be the D-day when KRK and his motley crew of 2 item girls and 15 villains would roll into town with their drama, emotion, action, comedy and social messegwa! What made the day even more exciting was that Dasvidaniya a bonafide, well made film was to be released on the same day. The Thursday before D-day however, both movies were nowhere to be seen in the movie listings though the TV promos proudly declared Coming November 7th. As it turned out later, Bollywood had gone into a frenzy and for some reason, every Raj, Rahul and Prem wanted their movie to be launched on November 7th. As a result, our two diametrically opposite, small budget movies couldn’t afford the theaters that week and both pushed back their release dates to the coming week.

While Dasvidaniya managed to stay controversy free after that, Desh Drohi faced a different fate. A B-grade, shoe-string budget movie, that until recently few (like me) cared about (mostly for a quick laugh) was now the talk of the town with everyone from the Delhi Tribunal to the Maharashtra CM giving their opinion on it. Unfazed, the great KRK pooled in all his remaining financial resources (remember he financed his own damn movie!) and went on an all out rampage to campaign the crap out of Desh Drohi. If earlier one saw Desh Drohi posters at Bus-stops, one could now see them on the buses too. Heck my harmless KRK blog-post started receiving hits by the hundreds after some alert Manoos linked it to the Orkut community of a party which seemed very concerned by the movie.

Amidst all the hullabaloo no one really seemed to notice that Desh Drohi, if it managed to make it to the theaters, would now get a decent amount of curious spectators who’d want to see what exactly was so ‘inflammatory’ about it. If all went as planned, KRK would even make a buck or two in profits. That, however was not meant to be. After screening after special screening, the Maharashtra government finally decided to tadipaar Desh Drohi from Maharashtra for 2 whole months, a time frameafter which, let’s face it, most movies are completely erased from the juntas memory. This probably is the end of the road for Desh Drohi, but it is also the start of a discussion.

We need to ask: Was it Desh Drohi that was a threat to the decorum in Maharashtra? or was it the people who threatened that the city would burn once again if it were released? Who really deserves to be kicked out of the state, the movie or these mindless vandals who kill in the name of cultural pride? Let’s face it people, if Desh Drohi was even a tenth as influential as the government that banned it built it up to be, KRK would be a millionaire by now. Desh Drohi was at best, a B-Grade movie filled with has-beens and never-will-be’s. The only ‘negative impact’ it could have caused would be the mild-headache that one is left with after watching movies of the Himesh kind. Yet we’re made to believe that Desh Drohi is the problem here.

Sadly, the ones who have both the power to influence minds in Maharashtra and spoil the decorum are the ones the state has catered to. Today, it’s an obscure B-grade movie that has fallen at their hands. If something isn’t done soon enough, soon the state will too.

I mean seriously, does this look like a man who can convince you to come out on the streets and break stuff?

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KRK – Hamaar Hero!

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Yesterday I blogged about how Barack Obama showed even when the odds are seemingly insurmountable, dreams can still come true. While Barack may be the man of the hour, one man could soon overtake his popularity. I have just three letters for you, ladies and gentlemen, K-R-K. That’s no typo you idiots, I didn’t actually want to type S-R-K , he’s old news. I’m talking about the fresh new wave of awesomeness that is about to sweep the shores of Bollywood, and possibly the world – Kamaal Rashid Khan! Known in his hometown as the ‘Prince of Kameenas’ or ‘Kameena Raj Kumar’ (which is also a forced backronym of his initials), KRK has shown the world that awesomeness cannot be held back, no matter what! Any time now his debut phillum Desh Drohi will be released.

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So what if no producer was willing to invest on him, KRK didn’t need their money! He went ahead and financed his own freakin movie. In your face Farhan Akhtar! Now you might say, “Big deal, he’d probably make some shoe-string budget movie with a bunch of unknown actors!” Wrong again my fraands! KRK has not only managed to rope an actress whose last two movies have both been declared tax free (one of them even went to the Oscars!) he has also has not one but TWO item girls in his movie! Now before you scream ‘Holy-Dhan-Dhana-Dhan-Goal’, hold your ghodas…because there is more!

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Now any sadharan, mamuli actor would fight one villain, chalo two…okay chalo three bas! But KRK is no ordinary actor my fraands,  he fights not four, not five, heck not even half a dozen villains. He fights over ten of them! Rumor has it that when the censors refused to clear Desh Drohi on the grounds that it had too much violence, KRK shot three of the five censor board officials through the screen with his lethal gun locket! The other two have since gone underground, never to be seen again.

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I know what you’re thinking, “This is a mad man! All that his movie has is sex, violence and narcissism”. Well that’s where you are wrong again. Desh Drohi, features all that PLUS a brilliant social message and not to mention, world-class dialogues.

Tickle your tastebuds with this one : “Ayyy Inspector, mera naam Yadav hai Yadav! Aur Yadav kabhi Bhikhari nahi hota, hamesha king hota hai king!”

Hungry for more? Here’s another one!: “Kabhi UP-Bihar aa kar to dekho, mehmaan ko Bhagwaan maante hai Bhagwaan!”

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As you may have guessed, KRK has descended upon our planet not just to start a trend with his awesome hairstyle and glares but to also unite the nation. “Hindustan Ek hai!” he proudly proclaims.

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Now I don’t know about you guys, but I personally am sold on this one! So though right now Desh Drohi’s release has been postponed, I’m sure our herowa will defy the oddwas again and come soon to a theaterwa near us!

Be prepared for awesomeness, KRK aavat hai!