Over the last two years,
I have grown,
and Interpersonally

I have developed
All over again
Like a  psycho-socio-eco-anthro-geo-politico pubertal growth spurt,

Now I am a ‘well rounded’ individual
My mind has curved at all the right places,
I’ll shamelessly flaunt my statistics
About how 70% of the nation
Live off less than $1 per day

Someday I’ll write a tell-all dust-jacketed book
About the dusty forgotten plains of this country
Where people have no water, no toilets, no electricity,
Just cows and fields, and cows and fields
And dusky damsels, who are the true Indian beauties
Uneducated, uncomplicated and unbridled in their sexuality

I’ll describe in detail their kohl lined almond shaped eyes,
Throw in a million mentions of Vermilion,
And scores upon scores of red-green-yellow glass bangles
My book will be a hit
And earn that $1 dollar several hundred times over

My aura will attract one and all,
I will brim with compassion,
And sweat unconditional positive regard

As I walk the street,
Dogs will wag their tails happily,
Cats will dance with joy,
Birds will chirp with glee,
The depressed with will be filled with mirth
When I spout, ‘I understand what you’re going through’

Marriages will be repaired,
Property disputes settled,
Children will never argue over the window seat
And eat their vegetables
No one will throw samosas out the window
In a fit of rage

I will unravel deep dark secrets
Based on housetreeuncleauntydoggie drawings
And people will say “OMFG! I never saw it that way”

I will start an alternative therapy
Bringing together the best of Freud, Ellis, Rogers, Beck,
Buddha, Rumi, Kabir, Plato, Socrates, Baba Ramdev, Osho,
Mithunda, Vengaboyz and Chetan Bhagat

I will hold healing seminars for the masses
As long as the masses can pay a non-refundable 4-day cover fee,
And congregate in air conditioned seminar halls

My assistants will be intelligent yet beautiful
Girls who can totally look hawt if they try
But they never will, and so people will flock
To my seminars
To see my assistants who are intelligent not hawt,
How dare you think we objectify women?
Chee chee, shame shame

We will wear Fabindia creations in white, off white, pale,
Yellow, khadi, or slight variations of the same

Then I’ll start an Institute and train young minds
And usher them into their
Psycho-socio-eco-anthro-geo-politico pubertal growth spurts,

And then the cycle shall be complete!


7 thoughts on “Personally.I.Dont.Care

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