How I Convinced Hrithik Roshan to Act in My Movie ‘Kites’ Using a Reliance Phone.

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Me: Hello? Is this Hrithik Roshan?

Hrithik: Er, yes, who is this?

Me: Are you sure you are THE Hrithik Roshan, and not some fake? I really don’t have time to talk to a fake Hrithik Roshan. I mean do I sound like someone who watched What’s Your Rashee?

Hrithik: Okay, seriously, who is this? And how did you get my number?

Me: You don’t recognize me?

Hrithik: No.

Me: Not even the number?

Hrithik: No.

Me: I’ll give you a hint. It’s a Reliance number.

Hrithik: How’s that supposed to help?

Me: (muttering) Well it did in the ad!

Hrithik: Did you say something? Who is this, come on?

Me: Fine, it’s me…Farhan Akhtar.

Hrithik: No it isn’t. You sound nothing like Farhan!

Me: One word dude

<silence>

Me: Well you’re supposed to ask, ‘What?’ so I can finish my line. That’s how it works.

Hrithik: Oh sorry! What?

Me: Sualin!

Hrithik: Sualin?

Me: Yep clears your throat right away! I mean would you believe it’s me – Farhan Akhtar…Rock On! And all that shit!

Hrithik: No, I don’t believe you.

Me: Fine, I have a confession to make.

Hrithik: Really now?

Me: I’m really sorry that I led you to believe I was Farhan Akhtar.

Hrithik: I didn’t believe you for a second.

Me: I know I was pretty convincing back there, but hey…I’m not Farhan…and you deserve to know that.

Hrithik: How the hell did you get my number anyway?

Me: Justdial.

Hrithik: They give out private celebrity numbers now?

Me: Worse, they offered to patch my call straight to Dino Morea. They said he asked them to put anyone who calls with a film-script straight through to him. But he doesn’t fit my bill.

Hrithik: Well if you have a script, you’ll have to talk to my agent…

Me: Already done, I told him too that I was Farhan Akhtar.

Hrithik: He believed you?

Me: I coughed a couple of times. That’s beside the point, what’s important is that I have the role of a lifetime for you in my upcoming film. Ask me what its called!

Hrithik: What is it called?

Me: One word…

Hrithik: That’s what it’s called?

Me: That’s your cue.

Hrithik: Oh sorry, yes. What?

Me: Kites.

Hrithik: I already shot that, and it’s about to release.

Me: You did?

Hrithik: Yes.

Me: You sure?

Hrithik: Very much!

Me: Well my story’s different! Ask me what its about!

Hrithik: What is it about?

Me: One word…

Hrithik: Kites?

Me: Bingo!

Hrithik: You’re making a movie about Kites?

Me: Yep, you’re lead kite! You’ve been made out of silver foil. Your opposite kite is made out of biscuit wrapper waste sheets.

Hrithik: I’m playing a Kite?

Me: Yes, it’s a very challenging role. The costume budget has gone through the roof. Get it? Kites…through the roof?

Hrithik: I don’t get it.

Me: Never mind. So the movie starts in Spain. It’s Makar Sankranti. Everyone’s flying Kites.

Hrithik: They don’t celebrate that in Spain.

Me: Yes they do, they just say it with a Spanish accent. And you’re the kite that’s flying the highest.

Hrithik: I don’t like this script. I don’t wanna do it.

Me: H-dawg! You know you shouldn’t interrupt me when I’m in the zone dude! So the biscuit wrapper kite flies towards you and she wants you to watch out for the eagle that’s annoyed by the sunlight bouncing off your silveriness. But you two can’t understand each other.

Hrithik: Because she speaks Spanish?

Me: Kites don’t speak idiot! So you just keep flying then. And the eagle attacks you. And you die. In the first 20 mins of the movie. What do you think?

Hrithik: What’s the run-time?

Me: 3 hours.

Hrithik: And you killed me off in 20 mins?

Me: Well there’s a twist! Your kite is reborn in New Zealand! And your girlfriend Kite hears about you from a friendly Pelican who spots you there.

Hrithik: That’s retarded.

Me: That’s Kaho Na Pyaar Hai.

Hrithik: Seriously who the heck are you?

Me: First you have to agree to do my movie.

Hrithik: But I don’t want to…

Me: I’ve got all night here. These Reliance connections are cheap!

Hrithik: Fine, I’ll do it!

Me: Now come on, I don’t want you to do it all sad. Say you like the script.

Hrithik: I like the script…there.

Me: Do you give it two-thumbs up?

Hrithik: That’s not funny.

Me: Sorry! Totally uncalled for.  Okay so ready to hear who I really am?

Hrithik: Yes please!

Me: Farhan Akhtar!!

Hrithik: No you’re not.

Me: *Cough Cough*

Hrithik: Oh hey dude!!!! Long time no hear!!!

Me: Meri laundry ka ek bill…..

Hrithik: Na na na, na-na, na, na, na!

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14 thoughts on “How I Convinced Hrithik Roshan to Act in My Movie ‘Kites’ Using a Reliance Phone.

  1. Hi, just noticed you have a new post… will read tmrw.. too tired now… just back from a family outing thing :))

    PS: Just wanted to comment SOMETHING. :))

  2. Hrithik – Umm… the role of a kite isn’t very challenging actually. Are there any dance parts?
    Me – What?? You FLY in the role.. you really DO.. never done before.. And as a kite if you do the crooning-neck-swaying-torso dance, you’d die again. Another rebirth will hike the costume costs..
    Hrithik – Never done before?? I can fly even without being a kite! I am THE Hrithik Krissh Roshan. And don’t bother about the costs… I’ll ask Rakesh Roshan to produce it.
    Me – Oh, you mean that baldy who wrote the dialogue, ‘Mere Karan Arjun Zaroor Aayenge.’
    Hrithik – Grrr… That’s my dad, smarty!

    HAHAHAHA! Lovely post, Paras. Good fun reading it! I love the Farhan Akhtar parts… *cough cough*

  3. Varun Turlapati

    You have a good PR in Sacheeta. Good dig at what I heard was a ridiculous movie. I didn’t watch it. I missed the ‘2 thumbs up’ part until I saw one comment above. Good post! 🙂

  4. Just came upon your blog. Really hilarious post, you ripped, absolutely RIPPED Hrithik apart! I really wonder if he’ll be able to fly in your film as the kite now!

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