Dear Mr/Ms Celestial Body,
I, the undersigned, am only very recently procuring telescope at astronomical cost (good joke no?). I am being brimful of enthusiasm about wonderful, limitless possibilities that are existing in the night sky after sunset and I am regularly going to my residential complex terrace after successfully finishing my nightly meals and ablutions. During my routine sky observation as usual I am seeing your pristine bodiness and I am being filled with bewilderment about the actual nature of your good self. I am observing this peculiarity about you that you glow-don’t glow-glow-don’t glow with alternating frequency and this causing a lot befuddlement in my mind. So I am thinking it is best to write to you enquire from you only personally about exact detail about accurate definition of your good self.
I am noticing that your position is very very heighted above our planet, and though my world book collection is informing me that celestial objects such as your good self are very vast and gigantic if we are juxtaposing to tiny heavenly bodies such as Earth, I am still having doubt of whether you are appearing small to me, or whether you are in truth small only. Incidentally, some people are seeing you in sky and taking the name of respected daughter of yesteryear Bollywood stalwarts – Mr. Rajesh Khanna and Mrs. Dimple Kapadia viz. Ms. Twinkle Khanna and are saying ‘Twinkle Twinkle’. Though I am agreeing that Ms. Twinkle also at one time in her past had a heavenly body, I am realizing now that she is very much properly matrimonied to Mr. Akshay Kumar, who I am also holding in very high regard for brilliant contribution to Indian cinema with films such as Singh is King. Since it is against our respected culture to talk about properly matrimonied spouses of other fellow men, I am now respecting her like beloved elder sister and dismissing the hypothesis that you are a tiny heavenly body. Coincidentally, Ms. Twinkle is now calling herself Mrs. Tina and I am regretful to inform that she is not possessing tiny heavenly body also.
I however have also noticed some striking similarities between your good form and that of one particular precious crystal form stone that is very expensive and very hard to find also – viz. Diamond. My friendly acquaintances are telling me that it is foolhardy to hold assumptions that there are diamonds in the sky, but what they are knowing? They don’t even have astronomical telescope. In fact, let me tell you in the privates, one of them is asking me if he can borrow my telescope for his personal usage, though he is not clearly mentioning as to what purpose he is requiring it for. I am suspecting that he is having voyeuristic tendencies in his mind and I do not wish that my piece of equipment should be used to outrage the innocence of some innocent lady, who we in our culture are equating with Goddess.
It is therefore of very utmost importance to me that you give speedy reply to my letter and please reveal the mystifications of your exact composition. I am fearing that if you don’t reply, my friend with voyeuristic tendencies will burgle my telescope and ogle with dirty eyes at Goddess equivalent innocent girls.
So you please reply urgently fast. Sorry if I am inconveniencing you with my outward expression of curiosity, but my teacher is always saying that no question is stupid question and so we must never quench our thirst for knowledge.