Be there or B-Squared

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Let’s play a little game, shall we?
But I don’t want to!
It’s going to be fun!
We have all sorts of fascinating creatures,
And characters and quests.
But I’d rather play something else…
Come on now, its really simple.
This stands for that, and that for something else,
But in reality something else is actually this
See how we switched places for the heck of it?
Now tell me if I took this, that and something else
Put it in bag, added some spice,
And shook it nicely,
Would that stand for this, and this for that?
Why don’t you just open the bag and see for yourself?
Because its more fun to guess without it!
Says who?
Its the rule, silly!
I don’t get it.
That’s impossible, everyone gets it!
How is this supposed to be fun again?
It’s fun if you want to have fun…
I do…this isn’t.
That’s only because you’re stupid
And you won’t put your head into it.
Now be a sport and tell me what happens
When you combine this, that, that other thing,
And that thing we began with,
With double the value of something else?
Aren’t we having fun yet?

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Varicose Veins

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Etherized minds,
Dull-edged, square pegs,
Each day they shove themselves
In to the serpent’s mouth.
Then fight, groan,
Heave and pant,
Until they’re spewed out;
Mangled and contorted.
Struggling to survive,
They die each day,
And yet there’s no end.
For this is the means.

Light-flashes on a screen

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She squirms and twitches restlessly,
Clawing at the cushion,
Muting the voice within,
Reaffirming her twisted beliefs.

All’s fine with the world,
God’s up in heaven,
And I’m down here to do his bidding,
Some day you too shall see the light
You worthless little sod!

Ask me for forgiveness,
Beg me for a second chance,
Cross your Ts and dot your Is
And I may shave off a few years
Of purgatory for you.
You see I’m all about fairness.
One has to follow principles and stuff.

Now be quick and fall at my feet,
Go on, why aren’t you doing it already?
She twiches restlessly.

Jaggu Mutt feat. CID – Part 2

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Pichle episode mein aapne dekha – Ek mysterious robbery, followed by an equally mysterious Dhissshkyaaaaon! And finally the entry and introduction of CID! Ab aage…

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… Give it up for, Abhijeet, Daya and the Forensic lab wala Doctor Salunkhe!” yelled Pradyuman as the crowd burst into a rapture of applause.

“Ahem”, coughed a fat mustached man as he nudged ACP Pradyuman. “Sir, aap mera naam bhool gaye.”

“Who’s this guy Daya?” the ACP scratching his head.

“Sir, this is Fredricks remember.”  Abhijeet butted in, acting like the ACPs wannabe side-kick as usual.

“Oh yes, also let’s have a big hand for Francis!” the ACP added.

“Sir, my name is Fredericks, not Francis and clearly your megaphone is off!” he sighed.

“Quit cribbing, Fred Flinstone, we have a case to solve here. Now which one of you called us here?” barked the ACP spinning his fingers round and round.

“Er, I did, but I called the CID, not the guys from the TV serial. Obviously kuch gadbad …” the manager stuttered.

‘DAYA, go and explain exactly who we are to manager-saab!” ACP thundered.

In a flash Daya tackled the manager and knocked him unconscious right there. “Done, Sir!” he grinned like a Cheshire cat.

“Now that, Mr.Manager understands that he should never use my lines again, let’s shut this place down and frisk everyone till we find The Super Expensive, Diamond Shaped, Gold-Plated, Platinum Pendant from ancient Egypt” ordered ACP.

“Great idea Sir!” said Abhijit, the suck-up that he is.

“Er…excuse me! But we have a man with a bullet wound here who needs medical attention. Could you send your doctor here first?” Salma said sarcastically.

“Waise from my estimates, this doesn’t seem like a wound caused by a firearm shot from a close range. Could be a poisonous dart or a toothpick with depleted uranium. Maine recently ek kitaab mein yeh padha tha. Iska raaz to ab forensic lab mein hi khulega!’ said the forensic doctor scratching his fake hair.

“Seriously who cares if it was a bullet, a dart or even a high-speed goti? Can’t you just attend to him?” yelled Salma growing more and more impatient by the second.

“Sorry madam, I only deal with dead guys!” said the doctor matter-of-factly.

“Good point doctor saab! But we cannot delay this any further. DAYA! Dr. Saab ki madad karo!” the ACP thundered frantically waving his index finger.

‘Ji, Sir’ nodded Daya before snapping the wounded man’s neck in a nanosecond. “Done Sir” he said with an oafish grin.

“WHAT THE….! Did you just kill this man? All he had was a bullet lodged in the leg!” exclaimed Salma as the rest of the people in the museum stared open-mouthed.

“Ab yeh gunshot wound to the leg tha ya potassium cyanide wala drawing pin to the head tha, Iska jawaab to yeh laash khud mujhe batayegi, FORENSIC LAB mein!” beamed the diminutive doctor with a bandicoot on his bald head.

“Inse kuch seekho Farookh! Look how he is always hungry to learn. Aur tum? Tum to bas hungry hi hote ho! Uss din mera tiffin tumne hi khaya na?” said the ACP who was now air-pianoing.

“Sir mera naam…jaane do yaar. Iss buddhe ko yaad thodi rehne wala hai.” Sighed Fredericks.

“Abhijit!” thundered the ACP again.

“In sab ko line-up karo. And you, Firoz, help Dr. Salunkhe to get this mari hui laash to the Forensic lab. Aur raaste mein don’t stop for vadapav!”

“Ji sir!” they said in unison.

Unable to tolerate the madness anymore Salma decided to give the ACP a piece of her mind. “Excuse me, “ACP” Pradyuman. We too are detectives. The name is Jaggu Mutt and the Jasoos Gang. If you remember the famous White-Chaddar Bhoot Uncle Case, or the mysterious mystery of Big Chappal, we’ve solved them all within 5000 words! So if you don’t mind, take your fake officers somewhere else. Waise bhi Yash Chopra is going to take over your TV slot anyway!”

“Abhijit, mujhe iss ladki pe sabse jyada doubt aa raha hai. Take her into custody!” fumed the ACP with his arms flailing about like an opera conductor.

“Kuch to gadbad hai Daya! Kuch to gadbad hai!” said the ACP looking nowhere in particular…

(To be continued….Psst…Next episode mein all the clues start falling into place one by one like clockwork)