Max Payne Review

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max_payne_posterIf any of you out there were looking forward to this one, rest assured that Max Payne lives up to its name. And by that I mean that this pseudo-noir flick is almost as hare-brained as its witless, punned title. Now I’m sure that some of you gamers may be thinking how something which was a cracker of a video game can be a such a listless dud. Well let’s put it this way. Everyone knows that the USP of Max Payne – The Video Game, is the adrenaline rush one derives from shooting people and exploding stuff for no good reason. Now, imagine that you’re not allowed to play yourself, and can only watch someone else dishing out the generous doses of mindless violence. Add the torturous ordeal of watching a wooden-faced Mark Wahlberg for two whole hours and suddenly this becomes a train-wreck of disastrous proportions!

The list of flaws however doesn’t end there however. The biggest problem with this movie is the script (or the lack of it). Max Payne is a clichéd good cop living the American dream, with a beautiful wife and a charming little baby. One dark day, three drug-junkies high on a super drug named Valkyr break into his house and murder his wife and child. While two of them are slain on the spot by Max, one manages to escape. From thereon, getting his hands on the third assassin becomes Max’s only goal in life. The ‘story’ in itself ends at this point. What follows is 90-odd minutes of mindless violence and video-game like special effects.

Performance-wise too, there aren’t many good things to say about this one. Mark Wahlberg’s expression-less act as Max Payne does not even hold a candle to his foul-mouthed cop routine in The Departed and is undoubtedly one of his worst ever. The stunning Bond-girl Olga Kurylenko too doesn’t do much except for going topless in the first few scenes of the movie. Amongst other things, Nelly Furtado and Ludacris appear merely to make up the numbers.

At the end of the day, if you still wish to watch this one, beware, for the Hollywood avatar of Max Payne does not come with a quit button!

Rating: 1 out of 5.

What the Ratings Mean:

0 – Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 – Mostly Pathetic
2 – Strictly OK
3 – Good
4 – Very Good
5 – Bow Down and Worship!

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