The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Review

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Question: What is common between the Dragon Emperor and the script of The Mummy – Part III?
Answer: Both were best left buried deep beneath the ground where the world was blissfully unaware of them!

I fail to understand what the filmmakers were thinking when they made The Mummy: Tomb of The Dragon Emperor. Perhaps they thought, ‘Hmm, that Indiana Jones was a hit at the box-office and their lead actor was twice the age of ours. Therefore by the transitive powers of algebra, our movie should be twice as big a hit as Indiana Jones, right?’ WRONG!

For starters, 39 year old Brendon Fraser as Ric O’Connell looks twice as haggard and tired as good ol’ Harry Ford. His performance too is listless and his lines vary between unfunny wisecracks and endless rants about mummies! Add the fact that half the cast of the successful first two movies is missing and you have a very gloomy picture indeed. I kid you not, this movie is sub-standard on all counts. Be it the fact that Rachel Weisz is replaced by a lesser known Maria Bello as Evelyn O’Connell or that the graphics are slightly better than Jaani Dushman, this movie is a damp squib.

Coming to the script, I’m tempted to ask, “What script?” This movie is more like a super-sized strategy game (sans the fun of the games). One of the most major problems of the ‘script’ is that the villain is not a ‘mummy’ but a terracotta army led by a stone-faced (even expression wise) Jet Li whose act keeps falling to pieces just like his terracotta face. Michelle Yeoh as Zijuan the immortal witch who is the second oldest female character ever (the first being Kyunki‘s Baa!) seems like she is posing for one of those ‘Malaysia: Truly Asia’ ads everytime she is on screen and the lesser said about Isabella Leong the better. Oh and did I forget to mention that this movie has Yetis? Yes, pixel generated Abominable Snow Men! I hope you can imagine the depths this movie sinks to now!

Coming to the question of ratings, my impression until the end of the first half was 2/5 which dipped to 1½ on 5 by the middle of the second half but by the end of it, all I can give it is 1 Star along with a sincere request to the filmmakers to never make another Mummy Movie that sucks this badly again.

Rating: 1 out of 5

What the Ratings Mean:

0 – Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 – Mostly Pathetic
2 – Strictly OK
3 – Good
4 – Very Good
5 – Bow Down and Worship!

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