Fir se In Conversation With Pazz!

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This is technically my interview, done by a guy called Sameer Jha who claims to have done his MBA from the prestigious IIM-A at a tender age of 17 (or is that 16). How he did it? You ask. He did so by cracking the DOG ( i.e. Directory of Gaalis), and then he went on to complete his Masters in Behen Abuses from Indian Institute of Mother-Behen Abuses. So without further ado, here’s the interview!


Statutory Warning:

“The mental injuries suffered due to this interview is not covered by the insurance companies.”

You know, this is arguably the worst interview in the world. It’s even worse than “sada hua tamatar ka fafoondi wala chatni.” I hope you got the point.

So, now put the ambulance no. on speed dial, coz dudes and dudettes (it’s the feminine ver. of dude.) you are gonna need it.

Sameer:

Hey Pazz,

(Paras won’t tell u but his name’s been inspired from the failed wwe commentator Tazz. )

So you’ve just pazzed your SYBA, what do you intend to after one more year? Except of course, bragging uncontrollably about your stint at JAM. 😛

Paras:

Well you’re right about the name being stolen…but I stole it from the Looney Toon – Taz a.k.a. Tasmanian Devil. As far as uncontrollable bragging goes, I didn’t ‘just pass’ I topped SYBA muhahahaha. After another year I plan to go back to JAM so I have more fodder to brag about.

Sameer:

You are studying psychology, if I am not wrong… did the idea of getting yourself checked cross your mind?

Paras:

Well as the old saying goes ‘Physician heal thyself’. Now last time I checked my physician held an MBBS degree not an MA in psychology. So technically the idea does not apply to me. I assure you that there is nothing wrong with me. The voices inside my head agree with the same. Say…why does that ink-blot look like a flying dog to me:-??

Sameer:

What’d u do if stranded on an island with Aarti Chhabria?

Paras:

Firstly who is Aarti Chabbria?

(Dudes and Dudettes, Aarti is the item girl of shootout. The “Unke Nashe Mein” girl. She also has movies like Raja Bhaiya, Teesri Aankh – The Hidden Camera, Ssukh, among others.)

Sameer:

Okay then, When was the last time u got abused for what u’ve written?

Paras:

Well this one time, I had written a column on one hit wonders and I was made to realize that my column was flawed by fans of certain artists mentioned in article. You see, they presented a very valid argument
1) I was something that rhymed with ‘Gas-pole’
2) My taste in music was something that rhymed with ‘Ducking Guitar-Ted’
3) I was a ‘Ducking Guitar-Ted Gas Pole’
In light of those facts I was prompted to apologize to them in a manner like they had presented their grievances to me
Here’s my response. It rhymed with the sentence
“Shrew yoo brother-dockers!”
P.S. That answer was ‘inspired’ by Dave Barry – an awesome humor writer

Sameer:

Oh yeah, Okay then, according to c-grade filmy blogs… you’re the writer of “Tamatar Juice, Aa ke choos…” Is it true?

Paras:

Thats absolutely false. I was the author of the hit story ‘Dont be conphuse- Look at my tarbooz’ get your facts right!

Sameer:

Okay… some great writer wrote… “Late to bed and late to rise, makes a woman funny , sexy and nice.” Your comments.

Paras:

Was it the same guy who wrote ‘early to bed and early to rise makes your girl go out with other guys’?

Sameer:

“Early to bed and Late to rise, makes me rub my sweet lil’ eyes..” That’s what he wrote.

Paras:

Did that guy also write ‘early to bed early to rise, chilli sauce goes well with French fries?’

Sameer:

You know, we’ve just provided the much needed non- narcotic induced sleep in this insomniac world … So will move on to the next question…. according to sources, u wanted to be a hip hop artist when a kid…?

Paras:

Don’t listen to ishq bector, he’s a liar and he stole all my rhymes!

Sameer:

That’s sad… But what’s also sad is that YOU were the creative mind behind that Amul Macho ad?

(To The Ad Agency,
I want to get sued.)

Sameer:

But then they betrayed you… and pulled you out of the credits…how sad did it feel?

Paras:

Yes….my original idea was yeh to bada boing hai with a kangaroo and not a monkey
but I was very confused as to why amul butter wanted an ad where someone was washing a pair of undies.
Maybe I got it wrong?

Sameer:

WOW!! Thank god they ditched you. BTW, you tried for The great Indian laughter challenge and there you achieved the impossible… you made Sidhu sit through your piece with a straight face…

Paras:

I actually told him that Perizaad Kolah digs men who can hide their emotions.

And plus,
my set was laden with kick-ass jokes,
take for example,
what is the opposite of churchgate??
cant guess na!
Eros!!!

See theres no market for good humor in India

Sameer:

“see theres no market for good humor in India”… Is that the only reason why JAM sells…?

Paras:

No thats the reason why you find the other three-lettered magazine even at Kopar-Khairne station

(I think pazz, was referring to DNA. But that’s not a magazine. I think he’s got it wrong.)

Sameer:

So, Pazz, as you would be the perfect person to ask… what’s the secret of becoming an extremely egotistic person…?

Paras:

Well most people would not tell you this..because they dont know it. I on the other hand do know it. You see, I am different from the rest. I see things the way the others dont. I guess it has always come to naturally to me.
You see the point? Just use a lot of I’s and me’s :p

(Hell Yeah!! Toldja he’s da right guy to ask.)

Paras:

Hmm… How many questions do u wanna do in total?

(Even he is bored… Aaarrrrggghhh… I have decided to end it pretty soon.)

Sameer:

Okay, so how does it feel to have last word in arguably the worst interview in the world…

Paras:

I hope you don’t expect to get hits on your blog thanks to this interview :p. i hope you have a pseudonym ;)) but what I finally wanna say is that people are more wasted than we are :p, because regardless of how big a waste of time this is…. there’s still people who will read this interview and expect something enriching out of it ;))

Sameer:

Woh sab toh theek hai…. but What’s pseudonym??

Paras:

An alias so that people don’t know that you were party to the worst interview in history.
That would screw your writing career before it began ;))

Sameer:

It’s a lot of hardwork you know…
Passion, Dedication, Invigilation, Evaporation, Condensation, Distillation, Desperation and every other nation except The United nation… everything’s required…

Paras:

Ahh yes. Of Course.

PS: If you’ve read this far, then You Are Definitely a fan of Sunny Deol movies. Guess what, so is Sameer… So, head over to his humor blog http://www.funthusia.com for some fun! Saale Sameer, you better pay me royalty!

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3 thoughts on “Fir se In Conversation With Pazz!

  1. shiti

    god sameer were do u get da brains from to rite ol dis??
    sm of da lines r very good…da bhojpuri movi names nd sm of pazz’s answrz….gud wrk,…….
    in ur language, ur first collabrative effort is worth appreciation…..

    p.s; even though i read da whole of it m nt a sunny deol movie fan…….

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