Fir se In Conversation With Pazz!

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This is technically my interview, done by a guy called Sameer Jha who claims to have done his MBA from the prestigious IIM-A at a tender age of 17 (or is that 16). How he did it? You ask. He did so by cracking the DOG ( i.e. Directory of Gaalis), and then he went on to complete his Masters in Behen Abuses from Indian Institute of Mother-Behen Abuses. So without further ado, here’s the interview!


Statutory Warning:

“The mental injuries suffered due to this interview is not covered by the insurance companies.”

You know, this is arguably the worst interview in the world. It’s even worse than “sada hua tamatar ka fafoondi wala chatni.” I hope you got the point.

So, now put the ambulance no. on speed dial, coz dudes and dudettes (it’s the feminine ver. of dude.) you are gonna need it.

Sameer:

Hey Pazz,

(Paras won’t tell u but his name’s been inspired from the failed wwe commentator Tazz. )

So you’ve just pazzed your SYBA, what do you intend to after one more year? Except of course, bragging uncontrollably about your stint at JAM. 😛

Paras:

Well you’re right about the name being stolen…but I stole it from the Looney Toon – Taz a.k.a. Tasmanian Devil. As far as uncontrollable bragging goes, I didn’t ‘just pass’ I topped SYBA muhahahaha. After another year I plan to go back to JAM so I have more fodder to brag about.

Sameer:

You are studying psychology, if I am not wrong… did the idea of getting yourself checked cross your mind?

Paras:

Well as the old saying goes ‘Physician heal thyself’. Now last time I checked my physician held an MBBS degree not an MA in psychology. So technically the idea does not apply to me. I assure you that there is nothing wrong with me. The voices inside my head agree with the same. Say…why does that ink-blot look like a flying dog to me:-??

Sameer:

What’d u do if stranded on an island with Aarti Chhabria?

Paras:

Firstly who is Aarti Chabbria?

(Dudes and Dudettes, Aarti is the item girl of shootout. The “Unke Nashe Mein” girl. She also has movies like Raja Bhaiya, Teesri Aankh – The Hidden Camera, Ssukh, among others.)

Sameer:

Okay then, When was the last time u got abused for what u’ve written?

Paras:

Well this one time, I had written a column on one hit wonders and I was made to realize that my column was flawed by fans of certain artists mentioned in article. You see, they presented a very valid argument
1) I was something that rhymed with ‘Gas-pole’
2) My taste in music was something that rhymed with ‘Ducking Guitar-Ted’
3) I was a ‘Ducking Guitar-Ted Gas Pole’
In light of those facts I was prompted to apologize to them in a manner like they had presented their grievances to me
Here’s my response. It rhymed with the sentence
“Shrew yoo brother-dockers!”
P.S. That answer was ‘inspired’ by Dave Barry – an awesome humor writer

Sameer:

Oh yeah, Okay then, according to c-grade filmy blogs… you’re the writer of “Tamatar Juice, Aa ke choos…” Is it true?

Paras:

Thats absolutely false. I was the author of the hit story ‘Dont be conphuse- Look at my tarbooz’ get your facts right!

Sameer:

Okay… some great writer wrote… “Late to bed and late to rise, makes a woman funny , sexy and nice.” Your comments.

Paras:

Was it the same guy who wrote ‘early to bed and early to rise makes your girl go out with other guys’?

Sameer:

“Early to bed and Late to rise, makes me rub my sweet lil’ eyes..” That’s what he wrote.

Paras:

Did that guy also write ‘early to bed early to rise, chilli sauce goes well with French fries?’

Sameer:

You know, we’ve just provided the much needed non- narcotic induced sleep in this insomniac world … So will move on to the next question…. according to sources, u wanted to be a hip hop artist when a kid…?

Paras:

Don’t listen to ishq bector, he’s a liar and he stole all my rhymes!

Sameer:

That’s sad… But what’s also sad is that YOU were the creative mind behind that Amul Macho ad?

(To The Ad Agency,
I want to get sued.)

Sameer:

But then they betrayed you… and pulled you out of the credits…how sad did it feel?

Paras:

Yes….my original idea was yeh to bada boing hai with a kangaroo and not a monkey
but I was very confused as to why amul butter wanted an ad where someone was washing a pair of undies.
Maybe I got it wrong?

Sameer:

WOW!! Thank god they ditched you. BTW, you tried for The great Indian laughter challenge and there you achieved the impossible… you made Sidhu sit through your piece with a straight face…

Paras:

I actually told him that Perizaad Kolah digs men who can hide their emotions.

And plus,
my set was laden with kick-ass jokes,
take for example,
what is the opposite of churchgate??
cant guess na!
Eros!!!

See theres no market for good humor in India

Sameer:

“see theres no market for good humor in India”… Is that the only reason why JAM sells…?

Paras:

No thats the reason why you find the other three-lettered magazine even at Kopar-Khairne station

(I think pazz, was referring to DNA. But that’s not a magazine. I think he’s got it wrong.)

Sameer:

So, Pazz, as you would be the perfect person to ask… what’s the secret of becoming an extremely egotistic person…?

Paras:

Well most people would not tell you this..because they dont know it. I on the other hand do know it. You see, I am different from the rest. I see things the way the others dont. I guess it has always come to naturally to me.
You see the point? Just use a lot of I’s and me’s :p

(Hell Yeah!! Toldja he’s da right guy to ask.)

Paras:

Hmm… How many questions do u wanna do in total?

(Even he is bored… Aaarrrrggghhh… I have decided to end it pretty soon.)

Sameer:

Okay, so how does it feel to have last word in arguably the worst interview in the world…

Paras:

I hope you don’t expect to get hits on your blog thanks to this interview :p. i hope you have a pseudonym ;)) but what I finally wanna say is that people are more wasted than we are :p, because regardless of how big a waste of time this is…. there’s still people who will read this interview and expect something enriching out of it ;))

Sameer:

Woh sab toh theek hai…. but What’s pseudonym??

Paras:

An alias so that people don’t know that you were party to the worst interview in history.
That would screw your writing career before it began ;))

Sameer:

It’s a lot of hardwork you know…
Passion, Dedication, Invigilation, Evaporation, Condensation, Distillation, Desperation and every other nation except The United nation… everything’s required…

Paras:

Ahh yes. Of Course.

PS: If you’ve read this far, then You Are Definitely a fan of Sunny Deol movies. Guess what, so is Sameer… So, head over to his humor blog http://www.funthusia.com for some fun! Saale Sameer, you better pay me royalty!

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Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na Review

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I could only fathom two reasons for the amount of campaigning Aamir Khan did before the release of this movie – Jaane Tu…was either a disastrous movie that Aamir was trying to save via a great publicity campaign or the fact that Aamir believed it was that damn good. After watching it, the answer seems to lie between the two extremes. Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na is certainly not a launch vehicle going straight to hell like Love Story 2050.

One of the biggest reasons why Jaane Tu…will not suffer the same fate as the over-budgeted, futuristic dud that released on the same weekend is the fact that its lead actor Imran Khan can definitely act! He’s no Aamir (or even Darsheel for that matter) but you have to say that he pulls off the role of a mild-mannered, lovable, college-going chocolate boy more genuinely than the likes of Shahid Kapoor. Everytime Imran appears on screen it looks lesser like he’s trying to act and more like he’s being himself on screen. The fact that he’s so comfortable in his skin on screen and doesn’t require macho action scenes and suave dance moves to get the audiences to love him are testimony to his talent. One can see an Aamir Khan influence in that regard at least.

Coming to his leading lady, one has to say that for someone who was written off after her disastrous debut opposite Riteish Deshmukh Tujhe Meri Kasam, Genelia D’Souza delivers a performance that should ensure that she doesn’t need to head down south due to lack of Bollywood offers like the last time. She’s the kind of actress that you’ll either fall in love or totally despise depending on the context in which she’s portrayed. But by placing her into the shoes of an effervescent, tomboyish, Bombay-hindi speaking, college girl debutante director Abbas Tyrewala delivers a masterstroke.

In fact that is the case with this movie more often than not. Actors who would stick out like sore thumbs in any other movie, fit snugly into the script. Where else would you look forward to seeing Arbaaz and Sohail Khan? Paresh Rawal too, who has been wasted to no end by the now-jaded and unfunny Priyadarshan shines in a well-written cameo. But the best cameos in this one come from Ratna Pathak-Shah and Naseeruddin Shah. The couple’s real-life chemistry translates easily on screen, even though Naseeruddin Shah is confined to a photo-frame throughout the movie. Prateik Babbar who plays Genelia’s brother too must be praised

And finally kudos to AR Rahman once again for his versatility as a musician. Who else in India can cater to movies as diverse as Jodhaa Akbar and Jaane Tu… in the same year whilst doing equal justice to both?

On the flipside however, one wonders why the sublime Rajat Kapoor was wasted so wantonly in a movie where he could have worked wonders. And for the last time, do we really need an abusive Casanova type fiancé to convince the leading lady about her love for the lead-guy? The group chemistry too hasn’t been tapped to its fullest potential a la Rang De Basanti. Instead we have strategically placed token Gujju guy jokes, which though funny, cannot make up for the lack of footage given to the rest of the characters.

At the end of the day, Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na alternates between a witty and a ‘throw-your-brains-out-the-window’ movie with more wittiness than zaniness. This may not be the movie of the year, nor the defining youth movie in Bollywood. But it’s a genuine entertainer which gifts Bollywood a new, easy to love, accessible, non-wooden star – Imran Khan. He can defnitely act, saala!

Rating: 3 out of 5.

What the Ratings Mean:

0 – Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 – Mostly Pathetic
2 – Strictly OK
3 – Good
4 – Very Good
5 – Bow Down and Worship!