Shutter Review

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I almost didn’t go for this movie and honestly, had I done that, I wouldn’t really miss much. Shutter joins the long list of Hollywood remakes of Japanese horror movies…only it’s not scary.

The plot is almost bollywood-like. You have your Japani-technique se bani bhootni who is a jilted lover who got dumped and molested by the lead character and his rowdy buddies. The ‘USP’ of this movie isn’t so ‘unique’ either. ‘The body perishes – the spirit remains – the spirit is energy – light is energy – light is captured by cameras on photos – therefore ghosts can be captured on camera (and we mean ‘real ghosts’ and not the lead actress without make-up).

The special FX are nothing to write home about. There’s the already common ‘bug crawling out the bhoots eyes’ routine and various other horror clichés such as ghosts popping out of pictures and being omnipresent. But my favorite is the scene where the bhootni sticks out her frog-se-bhi-long tongue and French kisses the lead guy who pukes out blood balti bhar ke (balti sponsored by IBOBO.com) and is up and running the next scene. He also gives himself a very strong electric jhatka to ‘kill the ghost?!’

The ending is supposedly scary. The stalking, revenge seeking bhootni is seen piggy-backing on the ‘now mostly retarded in hospital room’ lead guy like Betaal on Vikram. Anyone with an ounce of dum will not be scared at all by this movie. Maybe the laydeej will hold your hand but not more than that.

The movie on the whole is mostly average…one time watch ke liye theek hai. But if you’re looking for edge-of-your-seat action,this is not the movie for you.

Rating: 2 out of 5

What the Ratings Mean:

0 – Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 – Mostly Pathetic
2 – Strictly OK
3 – Good
4 – Very Good
5 – Bow Down and Worship!

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I’m Seeing Double!

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Week one of work at JAM is over. It’s an awesome place to work at. I worked on my very first JAM issue which hits stands Monday. Can’t wait to see how that turns out, I might put up scans or something if I can.

The point of this post is to explain the sudden surge in posts (most of which you must have seen if you are a ClubJAM user). I’m supposed to write at least one blog a day as per orders (something I have no problems with). So for the benefit of the little circle of JustPazz readers, I will post the stuff which I like at ClubJAM as well as JustPazz. Some of the stuff will also appear on JAM Magazine.

Thanks to all of you the readership of this blog is increasing slowly but surely. March 2008 has been the month with the maximum hits since the starting of this blog, but note that  February and January 2008 had the same distinction before that.

Keep reading the blog, your support makes this more and more enjoyable.

Thanks,

Paras.

Fuzön – Journey Review

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Fuzön (pronounced Fusion) comprised of vocalist Rameez Mukhtar, Guitarist Shallum Xavier and Keyboardist Emu, is one of the biggest bands from across the border.
In their first album sans ex-lead singer Shafqat Amanat Ali (of Mitwaa fame), the band delivers yet another solid performance, only this time with Rameez Mukhtar as their lead singer. Already Journey is being compared with Saagar and Rameez with Shafqat, but from an unbiased point of view, both are commendable albums. Neend Na Aaye, the first single from Journey is one of Fuzön’s most popular and beautiful compositions on which Rameez Mukhtar displays his firm rooting in classical music. Lead guitarist, Shallum Xavier delivers a tasteful guitar solo while keyboard player Emu delivers a fine performance as well. Tracks such as Suna Suna, Abhi Hum Kahaan Hain, Jo Dil Ne Kaha have a Bollywood-esque, easy listening feel to them which Indian fans will find easy to relate to. The highlight of the album in my opinion however is Tu Kahan which is brilliant in all departments especially lyrically and vocally. Upbeat numbers such as Dholna and Teri Yaadan will please Punjabi pop fans. Paree, another re-recording which is already popular in Pakistan will help the band retain their existent fan-base. Finally, Choo Lo is an uplifting anthem which I can easily see being used for a sporting event or the likes.
Over all Journey is a mixed offering which is brilliant on certain tracks and a tad passé on a few others.
Top Tracks: Tu Kahan, Neend Na Aaye, Suna Suna, Abhi Hum Kahaan Hain, Jo Dil Ne Kaha.

Overall rating: 7/10

Top 3 Disgusting Soft-Drink Flavours

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3) Vanilla Coke – One dreadful day I switched the TV on and saw Vivek Oberoi dancing around on screen dressed more idiotically than usual. The awesome Bappi Lahiri loudly and proudly proclaimed the arrival of the ice-creamy thanda- Bhenilla Coke!
My very first swig of this horrible concoction was enough to put me off for good. This bastard child of Vanilla ice-cream and Coca Cola left as bad a taste in my mouth as would seeing Bappi Lahiri in a thong!
Here’s what I learned from the horrendous experience – Ice Cream..Good!, Soft drink..Good!, Ice Cream flavoured Soft Drink….Mommmmmmmmyyyy!!

2)Mirinda Strawberry – Mirinda Strawberry brought back childhood memories for me of the not so good kind.
As a kid I was frequently down with tonsillitis. The thing I dreaded the most about besides the swelling in my throat and the incessant coughing was the horrible taste of the cough syrups that were shoved down my throat by the spoonful. I’m sure I’m not the only one who had to endure patiala pegs of benadryl and corex. Anyway, the point is the taste..try and recall the weird, gag-reflex inducing taste. Okay now hold that thought!
Now add some fizz to that taste et voila – Mirinda Strawberry!

1) Pepsi Cafechino It was bad enough that the ad for this abomination of a cola featured what I consider, two of the most annoying Bollywood actresses – Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra shaking their butts in blue overalls. “The kiss of cola, with a kick of coffee’ was the way it was described in the ad. Sounds delicious na? Not quite, let’s change the description a bit. The Pepsi Cafechino experience was more like ‘a french kiss from a Dadima with a kick in the nuts.’

Before these haunting memories re-aggravate my schizophrenia I’ll kalti. Do yourself a favour and go have a ganna juice or something!

Understand, You Always Do!

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Speak your mind
Without a fear,
Say what no one else
Will hear.

We’ll stand by you
Through it all
Our weak hands
Will break your fall

Be the hero
In our time of need
Heal yourself
So we can bleed

We moved the walls-
You were unaware.
You understand,
Don’t you?

We live in castles
In the air.
You’ll live with us
Won’t you?


Ship is my Country…

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When I was one and twenty,
I finished B.Com
But even after that
I found no kaam.

Interview after interview
I was not clearing
So I enrolled myself
For marine engineering.

But it was vary hard,
Not bachho ka khel,
If I failed,
They wouldn’t let me sail.

So I studied and studied,
Night after night.
And then in exam,
I wrote everything right!

Now since I was topper
I got a good offer,
All gain, no lose
I joined luxury cruise

Now ship is country,
Sea is my home,
Duty is my life
But who is my wife??


Local Train Research

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Traveling by local trains is an inescapable and unavoidable part of every Mumbaikars life. It’s no walk in the park as most of you may already know. In my four years of traveling by train to college, I did some scientific-ish research and concluded that most of our fellow passengers fall under one or more of the following species:

1) ‘Boss, seat pakdi hai!’ species: These are highly adaptable, intelligent creatures who have found a way to avoid crush hour pains by making short return trips (e.g. taking a train from Borivali to Kandivli and back and then taking the same to wherever they want to go). Now the cool thing about this technique is that when the train empties out, these fellows have first picks when it comes to seats. Needless to say, they take up all the wind-facing window seats, but what’s definitive about them is that they’ll keep their briefcases, plastic bags, shoes, handkerchiefs; dabbas etc. on the adjoining seats and thereby ‘reserve’ them for their friends who jump in at the first station. If by any chance a passenger manages to rugby tackle his way inside, they make sure that he remains standing, because after all ‘seat pakdi hai na’.

2) ‘Seedhe Khade Raho’ Species: These are very territorial, short tempered creatures. Its common sense that a train where everyone’s packed in like sardines isn’t the best place to be if you like to have your own personal space. None the less, these species remain oblivious to the very obvious fact that you are being crushed by 3 dozen people who are urging you to ‘Pudhay Chalo’ and will promptly threaten you with dire consequences the moment your feet come within a one meter radius of their already crumpled and dirtied trousers. In extreme cases, they may even accuse you of copping a feel.

3) ‘Saath me ladeej hai’ Species: This species is extremely paranoid when it comes to the well being of their female-kind. So much so that they make them travel with them in the ‘general’ compartment instead of the ladies dabbas. They fearlessly risk life and limb (both theirs and they ladeej) and gallantly march into the overflowing ‘Gants dabbas’ with the fairer sex. Here’s the trick though, 9 times out of 10, the other passengers, afraid that they will be accused of groping promptly make way and some way or the other these species always find a seat.

P.S. There is a ‘bad condition’ variant of this species as well (in other words PDA enabled. Don’t ask what turns them on in a crowded train though).

4) Mereko touch kyon kiya’ Species: These species probably evolved out of the ‘Seedhe Khade Raho’ species. But what distinguishes them is that they have a significantly higher female population than males. (Average ages – usually 30 and above). Despite age not being on their side, these aunties…I mean ladeej, still believe that it was just yesterday that they turned 16. Hence, men of all ages are considered as lecherous sexual predators by them, who must be attacked with the nearest heavy object at the first sensation of physical contact, irrespective of whether or not it was intentional.