Indian Railways – Bringing People Closer!

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Travelling by local trains is an inescapable part of being a Mumbaiyya. Any other means of transportation would make us a lot later than we already are everyday. So aamchi locals zindabad.

That aside, it is unarguably the cheapest mode of transport the city has to offer and might I daresay, one of the cheapest modes of public transport all over the country.

But besides these very obvious plus points, I love our locals for all the accidental entertainment they offer us. I’ve been a regular commuter of our local trains for the last four years and this is a sort of a collection of the most ‘memorable’ (mostly unwelcome) conversations I’ve had with my fellow commuters in this time period.

Thanks to all the wonderphool people who made this article possible. Jai Maharashtra.

The Tale of the Mysterious Apple I-Pod!

DatelineMid 2005.

The Scene: Your’s truly and a friend are traveling to college. My friend had a new I-Pod shuffle (something which was not common at all in our city back then),which his dad brought for him from the USA. Seated around us were a bunch of middle-aged men (the stock-broker, jewelery/diamond merchant types), who were trying to decipher what was exactly the gadget my friend possessed. My friend and I were used to these curious stares because as I mentioned earlier, an I-Pod wasn’t something one would see as frequently as one does today back then. Nothing new, we figured. But we were wrong, these men were about the raise the bar as we would soon find out.

When curiosity got the better of our fellow passengers, one of them finally decided to satiate his curiosity and ask us what it was, while his companions huddled around us and attentively listened.

The questioning fellow shall be referred to as QF while my friend as F.

 

QF: Excuse me bhaisahab, what is this? Maane Yeh kya hai?

F: (Looks at me and mumbles here’s another one, then turns to QF and simply says): Apple I-Pod.

At this point QF’s companions get all the more confused. Choruses of “Su Chhe” are aimed at QF by them. QF quietens them and asks once again.

QF: Arrey, you know what, I couldn’t hear you barabar se. Noise and all na. Aapne kya bataya?

F: I-Pod hai yeh.

QF: I-kya?

F(Very slowly): Apple I-Pod.

QF: Us se kya hota hai? (What is it used for?)

F: Music player hai.

QF: To fir, why did you say Apple? Oh you were joking haan! Funny, funny very funny (QF and companions chuckle confusedly). So that means, yeh music player nahi hai na?

F (Sarcastically): Nahi, it’s not a music player.

QF: Accha, then tell us what it is?

At this point I decide to have a little fun with them.

Me: Hearing aid hai bhaisaahab.

QF: Oh accha accha.

(Companions say ‘Oohhhh’ in chorus)

QF: But then, how come both of you have ek ek kaan ka?Machine ek hi hai. (How is it that both of you have one ear-piece each. There’s just one machine.)

Me (Loudly): Whaaaaaaaat?

QF (Gestures wildly): Ek….one machine….do kaan ka(earphones)…..kaise….how?

F& Me (Together): Whaaaaaat?

QF: Ohh accha accha, battery down?

F& Me nod vigorously.

QF and Companions: Oh sorry sorry!

My Encounter With an Apple Representative!

Dateline: A more recent story December 2007

Scene: Yours truly is waiting at a platform bench for a friend listening to own I-pod shuffle (which he ‘borrowed’ from his brother, which sadly has no novelty value whatsoever today). A man, who looks like he is not a local, has been standing next to the bench for quite some time, waiting for a seat to open up with little success. In order to kill his boredom, he decides that conversing with a guy who is obviously disinterested in mingling with the others would be a great idea.

Man: Bhaisaahab!

Me : (No response).

Man (a little louder): Hello…..excuse me….boss…bhaisaahab. (Finally gets smarter and taps me on the shoulder).

Me: Yes?

Man: Will this train go to Churchgate?

Me: No this train is coming from Churchgate and will go to Borivali, you need to go to the other platform.

Man: Nahi nahi, I don’t have to go to Churchgate, it’s okay.

I was about to put my ear-phones back on and resume listening to music when he deftly sneaked another question in.

Man: Boss….what is that there? (points ahead to something).

Me: What?

Man: That thing there….(points towards a tree).

Me: Uhh….a tree…

Man: Yes I know….but what tree is it?

Me: I…don’t know!

Man: I think it’s an apple tree.

Me: Okay then…

Man: Do you think so?

Me: I dont really know.

Man: But look at those red things, they look like apples to me.

Me: Yeah I guess so.

Man: Actually I can’t really tell if they are apples or not, but it does look like an apple tree, na?

Me: I don’t know what an apple tree looks like, bhaisaahab.

Man (Shocked): Kya? How can you not know what an apple tree looks like? They’re everywhere!

Me: Really now?……And where exactly can you see them?

Man: Everywhere……in Delhi…..you haven’t been to Delhi?

Me: No…

Man: But how come?

Me: On second thoughts, maybe it is an apple tree…..Oh look (points to the right)….there’s a vacant seat there.

Man: Oh…thank you, thank you!

New Features on JustPazz

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Hey guys,

For your convenience, I have added Feedburner to JustPazz…this means you can click on the orange button on the top-left and subscribe to this blog, so next time I make a post, you’ll know automatically. Saves time for both of us!

Hope all you guys subscribe to it!

Paras

Imprompthree

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Three vary original, vary nice poems that were written fast fast on the spot tonight.

Keep safe distance, use dipper at night…happy journey!

“Puppies”

Other day
I am walking down the street,
And right at my feet
I don’t know how,
Came this little fellow
And said “Bow Wow!”

I am thinking
‘From where it is sounding?’
And before I am realizing,
He is surprising
And licking my feet.

I am saying
‘You are wanting something to eat?’
He is wagging tail
So I am giving bhel.

Chottu puppy,
Next time if you are hungry,
Come again
Come one, come all…
Wag tail, get bhel
I will never fail.

“Romeos”

In our country,
There are different peoples,
With hobbies which are different different
Like them.
Some collect stamp
Some collect shell
But some are doing something
I am feeling shy to tell.

Let me say in secret,
They are bird watching
(If you are knowing what I mean)
You will have seen
Those mawali’s covered in dirt
How shamelessly they flirt!
With every Beti, Behen and even aunty!

I am to be thinking
This is not right.
This is very shabby.
They should be doing other hobby.

“The Blank Call”

Science is making rapid rapid progress,
With nice nice inventions,
And new new innovations,
But some don’t make sense
And become nuisance!

One invention from hell
Was made by Mr.Bell
It is so bad,
I am becoming vary sad.

You see,every time I am going to bathroom
And while doing bath I sing
Phone is interrupting
Saying ‘Tring Tring’
‘Tring Tring.’

Then I am running and running to the room
With the hope
That i wont trip because of the slippery soap.

Sad misfortune – I fall.
But somehow I am bearing it all,

I am getting up and picking up
And it is blank call.

——————————————————————————————

The End!

The Final Seconds

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Quivering breaths escape,
Reminding us,
Of inevitable winter.

The heart overflows –
A lonely tear-drop
Is all there is
To show for it.

I try unsuccessfully
To articulate the abstract.
Embracing you,
Like the first time
One last time.

You close your eyes.
The line goes flat.
And you live on…
Forever.

 

Image Courtesy http://www.martinstranka.com

 

To You,

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For yesterday,
Today,
And for the day to come

For the strength
To rise
From every fall.

For the chance
To learn
From every mistake.

For those loved,
Lost,
And those yet to be found.

For every little surprise;
Both bitter
And sweet.

For everything
That gives meaning
To existence.

For all that is.
And all
That will be.

Thank You…
And keep it coming!