You might wonder why I have put a prologue before a blog post. Well that is because this post is no ordinary one. I think it is by far the longest piece I have written in the recent past (on this blog of course). So please bear with me even if you find it too long. The piece as always is one I relate to, but it isn’t autobiographic. Most of it is fiction and the parts that aren’t are dramatized and exaggerated a bit for effect. There is a running theme to this post, which is actually a song by one of my favorite bands ‘Train’. It’s a song called ‘All I Ever Wanted’ from their album ‘For Me, It’s You'(hence the title). I suggest all of you give Train a listen, they are truly remarkable. Having said that I wont waste anymore of your time and go straight to the piece. Here it is friends….a little something I like to call , ‘All I Ever Wanted’
Life isn’t a bed of roses. Even the most successful people have had their trying times. It seemed like life had now decided to test his mettle. The storm was here he had no option but to face it and pray that it passed him by soon. One after the other, all that he held dear was taken away from him. Each passing day seemed harder and longer than the previous one. He felt as if he had fallen into a dark, bottomless pit. The last two months had shown him a new side to life. A side where happiness was absent and troubles doubled with every breath he took. He needed something, anything, to get him out this black hole, this everyday hell, this movable prison, before his demons drove him insane.
“It’s supposed to be easier!” he protested. Fate was being unabashedly unjust and the poor victim couldn’t make any sense out of it. What was this supposed to mean? Why was all of this happening to him? Why him? What had he done to deserve this? Sure, he had made his mistakes in life too, but a price so dear for those mistakes? Certainly, this was too harsh a punishment. It was one thing to take away his material comforts, everyone faces that sometime in life, but to take away the one he loved, the land he belonged to and even his very identity, now that wasn’t just pushing the envelope, that was tearing the envelope to bits. The optimism that got him through each day was waning. His faith was crumbling too. If ever he needed a miracle, this would be a good time for it. Stripped of all innocence and faith, he took pity in himself. He was tired, and he knew he couldn’t go on like this much longer. He pleaded with the heavens to spare him from any further trials and tribulations. “No more…..I need a ticket out of here.” He barely managed to say this before he finally collapsed.
They say when one door closes on you, ten others open. Even though such mad optimism would be foolhardy on his part, it was exactly the case. He had something waiting in store for him. Something that was worth all the troubles he had faced. But he couldn’t see that unless he faced those troubles. He had to hurt like never before to understand the value of these pleasures. To simply put it, he as he was, was unfit to receive such a great reward. He simply wouldn’t value it. And for that reason he had to go through what he was facing currently. He would see this in hindsight soon enough….and so would she, his ticket out of here…
Clichéd as it may sound, she knew she wanted to be with him the moment she saw him. But he was too caught up in his own world to acknowledge her existence. Days passed, then weeks and then months, but she was exactly where she had begun. Our friend it seemed had time for everyone else except for her. But she kept the faith and didn’t lose hope, she knew all it would take would be once chance, one single chance to capture her dreams….or to watch them slip away. She was his ticket out of here; He was her dream come true.
Over a year had passed since the first day he saw her. Not like he didn’t notice her then, just that he didn’t realize how important she was going to be for him in the not so distant future. That realization was beginning to dawn upon him now, but was he a bit too late? Did she even feel for him the same way anymore? He didn’t know and had no way to find out either. But that was a risk he had to take. He was short on both time and options now, he had to act and act soon, before his fate was sealed.
Her initial optimism soon fizzled away. She tried to explain to herself that perhaps he wasn’t the one for her. But then the heart wants what it wants. If truly, he wasn’t the one, why did she feel so strongly that he was? But time only reinforced her idea that he wasn’t the one. She had to move on like it or not. She tried to be upbeat again. There were many other guys out there who wanted to be with her, some of whom she didn’t mind herself. In an effort to move on, she decided to give that a shot.
Unfortunately for him, this happened at the same time he had his great realization. The tables had now turned. At first she wanted him and couldn’t have him, and now he wanted her, but didn’t know if she even wanted him anymore. His ego was too big to accept that though. So he gallantly marched to her thinking he’d be greeted with open arms, but he was snubbed away. This hit him like a bolt of lightning out of the blue. This was something he never expected. Instead of realizing his own mistakes and making up for them, he falsely appeased his ego by telling himself that he didn’t want her anyway. This gave her all the more reasons to cut him out of her life and move on.
Hell hath no fury like a lover scorn’d. When the two of them couldn’t find their happy endings as and when they wanted them, love turned to mutual resentment. Not hate, which was too strong a word to be used to for trivialities such as these. But little did they know that when the one you love appears least likeable they need you the most. The same two people who could not stand each other some time ago now realized how much they meant to each other.
Finally, it happened. They did come together. And it was exactly like she had always wanted to be. He kicked himself for not having done this earlier. All the crap that he had faced in the months gone by was now a speck on the rear view mirror of life. For once he could say that they had all they ever wanted….each other.
Life as he had learnt previously was not always fair, and that thought scared him. What if he lost her someday? How then would he go on with life? And as always, whenever one fears something the most, he has to face it.
Things took a turn for the worse again. All started to fall apart. He didn’t accept this at first and convinced himself that nothing could ever tear him away from her. She on the other hand knew that this was the end of the road.
“Hold on…” he said. “ We can make it! It’s a passing storm and if we face it together, we can make it through. Trust me, we’ll look back and laugh at this one day.”
“It’s over” she tried to reason with him. But he had convinced himself that over didn’t mean over. He thought he could fix it all. But she believed otherwise. Two lives collided, and it all fell apart.
The shock left both of them shattered. They knew they loved each other and at the same time, they knew they couldn’t have each other either. It hurt, but the hurt was only a passing phase, just like everything else in life. Soon enough the scars healed.
It was then that he realized that he had gone down memory lane again. Amazing how much a song can bring back, he thought. He smiled and said a silent thank you to whoever was watching over for all the good times as the song played in the background…
“You were my ticket outta here
And I was your dream come true
You gave me everything I ever wanted
Except for you…
….And all I ever wanted was you!”