Writing is something I love, something I’m passionate about for as long as I can remember. Many a time, I sit down with practically nothing in mind and end up writing long, winding essays, while at other times, I sit and think endlessly over an idea and am unable to write even a single line about it. The way I write, the issues I write about, the length of my writings, the frequency, are all irregular. I guess that is what makes my writing distinct at the end of the day. But one thing I can guarantee is that I will write only and only if I feel like it, I cant force myself to write about anything. Even if the issue concerns me to a great extent, I may or may not write about it. I know all of this sounds confusing already. Well, let me just sum it up for you, I guess one can say that I write when I’m in the zone, otherwise I cant.
The funny thing is that some of my most passionate works have gone totally ignored while some of my most impersonal writings are loved. I think a lot of this confusion stems from the fact that I, as a person, am not the easiest to understand. Over the years, I’ve made a lot of dear friends, but ever so often, even the ones closest to me are unable to understand me. I, on my part try to offer insights into how my mind works through my writings, and this particular piece is one such example.
A lot of people who have observed me at close range always tell me that I, at first appear very unfriendly, indifferent and unreachable, but thats a only till they get to know me. Once they get used to me, almost all of them say that I’m the exact opposite of what I first appeared to be. Now that’s not entirely wrong or correct. Exactly why I consider people’s opinions of me (both good and bad) to be inaccurate because they expose only a part of me and overlook the rest. In my opinion, I am not the most approachable person around, but I am not an island either. It depends what side of me you deal with. The ones who see the social side of me refuse to believe that I’m reclusive and vice versa. True, these are two very contrasting sides to me as a person, but they aren’t different personalities by themselves, they are merely two facets of the same person. And I dont mean 2 distinct facets, they infact work together.
I’m not exactly open to every person I know. People have therefore misunderstood me as being shy/socially awkward/snobbish/anti-social etc. etc. But in my defense, I would say that I haven’t really met many people I can trust and fewer still who understand me as a person. I don’t use that as an excuse, I earnestly do try to make an attempt to be more sociable, more socially acceptable to be more apt, but I’m afraid that in pursuit of social acceptance I may lose my individuality. After all, it is my individuality that makes me stand out of the crowd, be it in a good or a bad way. It ‘doesn’t hurt’ to be a people’s person, and socializing with complete strangers is fun in its own way, but I would still like to be a bit rough around the edges.
You cant afford to be nice to everyone today, it’s not that kind of a world anymore. Sticking your neck out for others more often than not gets your head chopped off. And it’s not just a lack of faith in strangers that I’m talking about, even some of the closest people end up hurting you and misusing your trust. But before you tag me ‘pessimistic’ I’d like to throw another curve ball at you. I recognise and accept the fact that it is necessary to be open and to love someone in order to survive in this world. Loving and trusting others and being loved and trusted in return is one of the best things you will ever experience in this otherwise harsh world.
A person who cannot understand this simple truth and is incapable of loving others, can never come to terms with the real world. Pain is something we want to avoid passionately, but it is through being hurt that we truly learn the value of real happiness. I am sure you will agree with that, and if you don’t, I hope that at least gives you something to chew on. It is this belief that makes me want to help my fellow beings. Lets face it people, we cannot possibly make it through this world on our own. Not even the best ones. Which is why I always correct people when they tell me that they wish they could be indifferent like me at times. Like I mentioned earlier, being completely indifferent and being a superhero who tries to fix everything in the world are two extremes. And I frankly, am not going to take the risk of living on an extreme. I would rather stay more or less in the middle.
I guess the issues I addressed in this piece are some of the major reasons why people have difficulty understanding me. Well, I hope this helps us get to know each other better.
That’s my story….so what’s yours?