From Memory Lane to Today….

Well this post came to my mind a couple of nights ago when I suddenly woke up and couldn’t get any sleep after that. While I was awake, my mind for some reason took me to my tenth standard picnic in Mahableshwar. I remember how I had a photo album of the trip (which I think Ive misplaced/ forgotten to take back from Velina.) So well there I was, lying wide awake in bed with the whole photo album flashing before my eyes like a Flickr slideshow or something. I started thinking about things back then. How I was, what kind of friends I had etc etc. Well come to think of it, I was in a room with 13 people (the rule allowed 5 but we got 8 more ppl in since we wanted all our ‘friends’ there), but not a single one could really be called a friend. I mean I never hung out with them besides school, never called them for anything other than school related stuff, and never really opened up to any of them. The trip was fun, a whole lot of fun. I remember how so many of my classmates started talking to me coz I was suddenly ‘cool’ according to them (for the simple reason that I didnt try to be cool like everyone else). And the one’s who were friends already started to act like we were brothers or something (because they wanted to be tagged cool too). My teacher thought I was going bad, because I wore a cap backwards and wore shades and stuff (not at the same time) and started talking to ‘bad’ students. Goes to show how immature people were in judging each other during school years. Teachers too tag you as a saint or a devil child based on their own limited perception of what you are. When in fact you are neither. I remember hwo my class teacher was all disappointed in me because I had changed. I used to think for a while that Im a bad guy too, but then I just realized I was who I was all along, just that she got acquainted with me then.
Around the same time, I met my first girlfriend ( who was my first crush at that time). I remember how she too thought I was ‘cool’ and ‘different’ and ‘cute’ because unlike most other guys, I didnt try to hit on the girls, I didnt dress to impress and I looked like I didnt really care what people thought of me. I, in turn, thought she was the best thing that ever happened to me. We went on to have almost a year and a half long relationship, before she realized she wasnt on the same level as I was when it came to relationships. Amazing how she went from being ‘the one’ to almost a stranger today. Its been 2 and a half years since we broke up, in that time I had another year long relationship, but still when I see her, she looks at me with a level of awkwardness. I dont know whether the relationship or the break up is relevant anymore, I was a totally different person then and so was she. For crying out loud she was 15 when we got together. But its amazing how today even though Im 19 and not even a shadow of who I used to be, we cant have a decent fone convo like to 2 mature people. Once again, I guess she isnt on the same level of maturity. The reason why she even comes up in this post today despite all we’ve been through is because she was the first real friend I had. The first person who actually opened up to me and the first person I opened up to. And regardless of what happened with the relationship that means a lot to me and will always.
Coming into college, I made one of my best friends (who continues to be the same) Oscar. He and I have practically grown up together over the last 3 years. When I first met him, his hair was a disaster and so was mine, though we thought differently back then. He thought he’d never find someone to love (which he did later) and I thought Id never lose the one I loved (which I did later). We had a bunch of ‘friends’ too, but I guess they too didnt go beyond the level of friendship that I shared with the 13 random guys who crashed in my room at the picnic back in school. In SYJC, I became part of the group which we today call the Gangue Team Crew, which consists of some of the closest friends Ive ever made: Joel, Eben, Binoy, Oscar and Adley. I also became friends with Christine (I think Ive written enough abt her). Well things have changed with time, I dont know if everyone feels the same level of closeness that we once used to. We dont hang out like we used to, everyone is busy with something or the other (Im no exception). But despite all of that I’d like to tell you guys that you still are just as important to me as you were back then, actually you mean more now, and I hope that we havent grown apart while growing up. Its true things feel different when we hang out, but different in a good way none the less.
Another person Id like to write about is Ishrat. Im not going to talk about how I met her and what she did etc etc. Im gonna talk about how she has been an important part of me growing up. From talking randomly in college to speaking for hours on end on the fone to going on double dates to being there for each other when we were hurting to not being in contact for god knows why to being back in contact and closer than ever to god knows what else in the future. I guess she’s been there at my highest and my lowest and the same goes for me. I love the connection I share with her, and few understand me the way she does. God knows what I did to have an awesome friend like you.
I think for the first time in all these years Im gonna write something for Velina too. Velina and I met on the first day of college in FYJC. We exchanged glances but that was it, I didnt actually get a chance to hang out with her till a couple of months later. I remember her telling me she used to like me till she found out I was dating my ex. She and I had a helluva lot of fun in FYJC times and I really wish I could go back to those days. I knew she always loved me and I knew that always did too, so the relationship with her was bound to happen. It did and it was one of the happiest times Ive seen. It was beautiful while it lasted, and like all good things it ended too. Ive seen pretty faces after she went away, I met a few interesting girls too, but I havent clicked with anyone the way we used to. And well till I find someone who does come upto that level, Im gonna stay single. The relationship with her taught me a lot, believe me it did, and thanks to it I know what to look for in an ideal partner ( or atleast I think I do). After what we had, I wont compromise for anything lesser. Thanks for everything we had, and everything that we have right now despite all the history.
This year (2006-07), I spent a majority of my time with my new friends Amu, Noella and Poornima and the rest of the ‘family’ (which didnt exactly go down well with my older friends). Well, regardless my old friends still mean a lot to me and I still love them. The ‘family’ and I have had some insane times together, we too have had our highs and lows. But from being a group in michelle’s lit. class to an inseperable bunch we sure have come a long way. And well we still do have a long way to go, but Im looking forward to every bit of it.
Last and definitely not the least Id like to mention Divya. She isn’t a familiar name to everyone I guess. She used to write on this blog a long time ago as the ‘Deetster’. Dee is one of the closest friends I have, and I really dont know how to define my friendship with her and its best that I dont, because no one would really understand it besides the two of us. All Im gonna say is that you are one of the most important people in my life and I really dont know how else to put it.
All the friends that Ive mentioned above have seen different shades of me in different times. Some know the current me, some think they know the current me, some arent around as much now, some arent even around anymore, but in their own time and place they have all been special to me and have been instrumental in me growing up into whatever I am today.
Thanks a lot for everything we’ve shared and everything we will share in the future. I may not be the same person I was, but change isnt always a bad thing now is it?
Am gonna end this post now. This post sure brought back a lot of memories for me, and I hope it does the same for you, and if it does, please acknowledge it with a comment. It would mean a lot to me…
Thanks a lot…
Paras