“For the Last year and a half
I walked out on familiar faces
Had to cut some losses
Learned to never be complacent” *I was walking the other day, my mind fixated on everything else but the road. Where I was going, why I was headed that a way, and was I even on the right path seemed irrelevant for the time being. I walked on, without a single familiar face in sight. Had everyone else left me behind or had I walked too far ahead without realising there was no one behind me? I couldnt tell anymore, frankly I couldnt care lesser. My only two constant companions were silence and obscurity. And to be honest with ‘friends’ like those two, who needs anything else? A few people approached me saying that they knew me. I couldnt recognise them anymore. At times their voices sounded familiar but their faces were unknown. On other occassions, I waited for God knows how long for the voiceless familiar faces to say or do something. What was going on? Was I dreaming? Or was this my nightmare coming alive? Whatever it was I couldnt face it. I ran, ran with all my remaining strength. Till I finally ran out of energy. I could no longer run. The road started spinning and 360 degrees of blurred images were in my face. I somehow held myself together to see a fresh batch of friendly faces. Maybe things would change now….maybe
“The world can be so cold
When you step into the unknown
The streets all look familiar
That just multiplies the danger” *
With my new found companions I gallantly marched into the unknown. I didnt have anything to go back to anyway. These guys were all I had now and they didnt look like the types who would desert me. Soon enough we hit a roadblock. To move ahead I had to cross a river. A raging one, which looked like it meant business.
I said to myself, ‘No way on earth am I going to make it across this one.” but my posse said that I could if I tried.
“But I dont even know how to swim guys. What if I drown or something?”
“Move on” they told me.
“I’m in no hurry of killing myself . Theres so much I want to see and do. I’m not risking my future over this!”
“Dont worry about the future, it will come soon enough. Dont worry about the past, you can’t change it anyway. Whatever happened, happened for the best. Be thankful that you are still standing and move on. We’re right behind you.” Thus saying they pushed me in without warning. I was barely able to keep my head above water, but they said, “Nothing will go wrong trust us!”
Yeah right! Easy for you to say, Im the one splashing around with no idea whether I will stay afloat or go under, Not you. And you say trust us? How can you even have any idea what Im facing when your not even with me a 100%? Stop kidding yourself! Kind words dont save a drowning man, a helping hand might do the trick. But it seemed like they didnt even want to listen. They thought they had done all that they needed to do. With their respective consciences no longer at loggerheads with them, they walked away certain that they’d ‘played their parts well’.
“I found that true friends may be
The ones you rarely hear from
Cause many said they’d be here
But now they can’t be found” *
What? Where did they disappear? They were right here a second ago, egging me on and now they were gone? But how could it be? This time I knew for sure that I had trusted the right people. Did I do something wrong to anger them? Or did I trust the wrong people again? No no, that couldnt be. These guys were for real, they wouldnt leave me at a time like this. They’ll be back soon enough. I just have to be a bit patient and a bit more optimistic. But for now, I need to get across this river before it sucks me in.
“Looked right into the mirror
Face down all my fears
I will rise above!” *
Throwing all my fears aside for that moment, I decided to face the river head on! And surprisingly enough I made it through. Imagine! My worst fear was realized and I faced it and lived to tell it. No longer was I a slave to my fears. I excitedly looked around to share the news with my companions, but they never showed up. Once again I asked myself, did they leave me behind or did I move ahead too fast? Thus I walked on all alone yet again with no idea where I was going. I stopped and thought to myself. “Whoa! Ive come so far ahead. The enemies in my past must be so far behind now that they arent even a relevant threat anymore. Anyway, they couldnt scare me, I already fought down my worst fears. And if I walk ahead long enough, Im sure Ill find new companions just like the last time!Why then am I afraid of being alone, afraid that more dangers may await me, afraid of not knowing where I am headed or whether or not I will ever find my destination? Where did these questions come from anyway? I was just pointlessly walking along, wasnt I? Well I guess thats what I’ll do then! Just keep moving ahead. Thats all Ive been asked to do, everything else is a perk or a momentary discomfort. But isnt it all part of the journey?” I smiled and shook my head, what I thought of as just a walk had taught me so much, yet it taught me nothing I didnt already know. I mean after all, all I had to do was walk!
“Never Mind…..Forget it
Just Memories…On a Page Inside a Spiral Notebook” ^* Lyrics from ‘Rise Above’ by Adema from the album ‘Planets’.
^ Lyrics from ‘Forget It’ by Breaking Benjamin from the album ‘We Are Not Alone’