The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian Review

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian is one of the most awaited movies of the year and more importantly one of the most awaited sequels in a long time. Does it live up to the hype and the anticipation or will it leave you feeling that the first part was better? No need to wait till Friday, just read on!

The Good: The story picks up in 1941 in London - one year after the last movie left off. But that’s just in human years. In Narnia, that’s 1300 years. So you can safely expect a lot of changes (some for the better) this time around. For starters the four Pevensie children - Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy have grown up both chronologically and as far as their acting skills are concerned. Georgie Henley as Lucy in particular stands out from all the four children and is perhaps the only from the four who still retains a cheerful, child-like countenance in a movie which heavily emphasizes on loss of innocence.
Cinematically too, director Andrew Adamson has raised his game a couple of notches in what will be his last directorial venture in The Narnia Series. The breath taking locations in which the magical land of Narnia has been set in have been done full justice by the camera work. The special effects too are definitely a lot more realistic than last time. But fancy camera-work and special tricks aside, it’s the tone and the pacing of the movie that does the trick. If you’re expecting dancing trees and cheerful talking animals, be prepared to be disappointed. Part two of The Narnia Series is definitely darker, more serious and more mature as compared to the first part.

The Bad: Owing to the fact that The Narnia Series is not a trilogy, the sequel does not try to spectacularly set up a third part. The film-makers instead seem content in matching the standards of the first part and raising the bar a bit if needed. The story-line of the movie is on the predictable side for a movie that endeavours top garner a larger adult fan base. Another problem that Prince Caspian encounters is a common malady when it comes to epic-scale fantasy movies - too many leading characters. As a result, the four children do not get equal screen time. Edmund (Skandar Keynes) especially is reduced to a side-kick to his older brother Peter (William Moseley). The romantic angle between Susan (Anna Popplewell) and Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) also does not necessarily add anything to the movie. The soundtrack is a bit sombre and toned down this time around and one really does miss some heavy crunching guitar riffs especially during the spectacular fight scenes. And finally, the climax is not exactly a knock out punch, but more of a ‘tasteful ending’, which might come as a disappointment to some.

The Verdict: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian is by no means a disappointing movie. It is in fact a pretty solid sequel. But at times one gets the feeling that the film-makers try to stay within the pocket and not dazzle the audiences. Maybe they’re saving the fire-works for the third part. Overall, it should be a hit with audiences who enjoyed the first part. Those who didn’t might not however be blown out of the water with this one. The movie is definitely more ‘grown up’. But it remains to be seen whether this will go down with the younger audiences who were largely responsible for the success of the first part.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

What the Ratings Mean:

0 - Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 - Mostly Pathetic
2 - Strictly OK
3 - Good
4 - Very Good
5 - Bow Down and Worship!

Pazz’s Three for Five

Yes pumpkins, it’s that time of the year again when yours truly loses all his marbels. Some say it’s the heat, others say I was dropped on the head many times as a child, no one really knows. While scientists wither away their grey matter pondering over the all important question, “Why exactly does Pazz make such stupid posts?” here’s another stupid post by Pazz. In fact this is the first of a series of columns where I will entertain absolutely random questions from fraands and non-fraands about anything from the rising inflation to Lakshmipathy Balaji’s back injury and everything else in between. Presenting Pazz’s Three for Five…Three questions…Five Minutes…Understanding, No?

First Question
Dear Pazz,
Why does a man looking at the moon feel he is in love?
Elphie from Interiors of Borivali National Park.

Dear Elphie,
This issue has in fact been addressed by many other renowned scientists and astronomers in the past but everytime they tried to come out with the truth they were attacked by a half-man, half-Anil Kapoor werewolf types creature. I however will risk life and limb and answer this question for you.
You see when the moon is full, the tide is at its highest. At this time, the half-man, half-Anil Kapoor werewolf uncle searches for his next victim. He poses as a salesman for Fairglow fairness cream and approaches his unsuspecting victim. He then proceeds to say, ‘Sirf Fairglow deta hai aapko Chaand jaise gorapan’. Please to looking up to sky’. When the poor victim looks skywards and sees black spots on the moon, he realizes that Abhishek Bacchan was saying the truth in the movie Tera Jadoo Chal Gaya when he sang, ‘Tujhpe to fir bhi daag hai, Mera chand to bedaag hai’. (View video below)

But before he can react, the tidal pull of the full moon raises the blood level in his head by 30 microns as a result of which the ‘Love Sector’ of the brain is activated instead of the ‘Anger and Disgust as a result of seeing Anil Kapoor shirtless Sector’. And that explains why a man staring at the moon feels that he is in love. Wait do you hear that sound…it’s coming closer… Aaaaaarrrrggghh….it’s Half-man Half-Anil Kapoor werewolf type uncle!

Second Question

Have you heard about the man who fell off the earth?
Binnyboi from Thiruvala

Dear Binnyboi,
Yes indeed, I have heard of the man who fell off the earth, and I even attempted to catch him. Let me tell you the whole story in detail. The reason why the man, Brijmohan Kunjprakash, fell off the earth is because of the Vodafone pug. Yes that same innocent looking doggie who tries to tell everyone that he is ‘Happy to Help’. It so happened that one day Brijmohan Kunjprakash wanted to call his gullphraand in Bhilai and tell her that all was kushal mangal in Mumbai. But you see since, Bhilai does not have very good Vodafone coverage, his gullphraand decided to use Aircel which has much better coverage. Now Aircel has a very limited circle (approximately farther than the cows go to graze before they sit down lazily and ruminate for the rest of the day). So Aircel transfers to Idea and Idea to BSNL and BSNL to Spice Telecom and Spice Telecom to BPL and BPL to Reliance and Reliance to Virgin and Virgin to Indicom and then Kajol runs to the to Vodafone pug who then gallops to you till he collapses.

Poor Brijmohan Kunjprakash did not know this and thought that he would be charged by standard STD calling rates. But when he heard the robotic recorded voice say ‘Your balance is very low’ he fell backwards and strangely instead of falling down and busting his head open, his feet shot up vertically and then Brijmohan began floating mysteriously in the air. Yes I did try to stop him and even managed to grab his shoe. But his shoe came off, and ever since that day, Brijmohan Kunjprakash has been floating in outer space.

Third question

Why do all Bhootni aunties carry candles? I mean this is the 21st century?
Khooni Dracula ki Behen

Dear Miss Khooni Dracula ki Behen,
As you may know, the Ramsay brothers were at one point the most popular horror movie directors in India. Movies like Saamri, Khooni Dracula, Bhaago Bhoot Aaya, Paapi Gudiya etc etc, are horror classics. At that time, the Ramsay brothers used to have their headquarters in the posh areas of south Mumbai. But then in the early 2000s a new Bhootni came on the scene who was way scarier than any Ramsay brothers bhootni. Yes, younglings, I’m referring to Amisha Patel.

Soon The Ramsay Brothers started to incur heavy losses as a result of which they had to shift their offices to Nalasopara. Now as you all know Nalasopara has a power cut every day. Sometimes this happens in the night time as well. But as they say in show-bijhness, the show must go on and on and on. So Ramsay Brothers decided that to be prepared for bijli cuts all the time, all the Bhootni aunties will carry a candle at every hour of the day, until there’s a solution to the power problem in Nalasopara, which we know will never ever happen. Also as an added advantage, the wax that drips from the candles is used for waxing by our saxy Bhootnis. Vary ingenious no?

If you too have a weird question that you want answered by Pazz, send your questions to parryshams@yahoo.com

Jimmy Review

It’s impossible to review Jimmy by normal movie standards, because quite frankly it’s out of the ordinary. To review Jimmy, one must come at par with it’s standard . And that means descending from one’s leather recliner at the multiplex to the folding chair in the stall of a single screen. Jimmy is truly is incomplete without the tapori theater experience. So assuming you know exactly what to expect from Mithun Da’s son Mimoh’s debut movie, I now present to you the review.

Quite often in Bollywood today, the difference between a successful and an unsuccessful weak-scripted film is the budget and the publicity. Case in point, the hare-brained extravaganza Om Shanti Om which turned out to be the previous year’s biggest hit film. Now take that outrageously high budget and the hype away from OSO and there you have Jimmy, a movie with a script on par with OSOs, but on a much smaller budget.

Anybody who wants to watch some serious cinema should not be anywhere within the vicinity of a theater playing Jimmy as the movie caters to audiences who want to have a laugh riot for a couple of hours inside an air-conditioned hall without paying too much. In short, it caters to audiences who can tolerate Mithun Da movies. One need not be a rocket scientist to know that Mimoh is going to be every movie critic’s whipping boy until the next bad acting debut in Bollywood, but that does not necessarily mean that his acting career is over. Tusshar Kapoor still manages to get films, so does Ritesh Deshmukh and Aftaab Shivdasani and Dino Morea and even Uday Chopra for that matter. Mimoh’s leading lady Vivana, however may not be as lucky considering that she has no Godfather’s in Bollywood (at least none that we know of).

Coming to the story of the movie…well there isn’t much of a story. Jimmy (Mimoh) is an automobile engineer by day and a DJ by night who break dances like his feet are on fire at the drop of a hat. The only mission to his life is to pay off his late father’s business debts. His fair maiden Megha (Vivana) is a filthy rich, brat who is an extremely bad driver. The two fall in love after the third time Megha rams into Jimmy and his car, but hey, at least Jimmy didn’t use the Gayatri Mantra and a little girl with a hole in her heart like Himesh did. Jimmy soon learns that he has a brain tumor ‘in the final stage’ which leaves him with anything from a week to a couple months to live. At the same time, the bank manager comes to Jimmy and demands that his money be paid back within three months. An offer from a wealthy business Rajat Sharma acts as a window of opportunity for Jimmy. Sharma offers Jimmy Rs. 50 lakh to accept the blame for his mistress’s murder which Jimmy obviously gobbles up. But soon he realizes that there’s a bigger conspiracy and an evil villain behind it all, and that he does not indeed have a brain tumor. The rest of the movie is Jimmy running from the cops in his inimitable style.

The flow of the movie is virtually non-existent. It’s like a sketch comedy show, except for the fact that the ‘comedy’ is accidental. One will definitely lose count of the number of songs in the movie as some are played for about 30 seconds in an absolutely unrelated sequence. The fight scenes are just about the same quality as a Mithun flick from the 90’s. Ditto as far the dialogues and the dubbing goes. But then again, that’s the beauty of Jimmy. It’s mindless, non-serious, over the top, masala cinema at it’s finest. That’s not such a bad thing to be in India where movies like Sivaji make a killing at the box-office.

All in all, if one sets realistic expectations and lowers their skywards pointing noses, Jimmy is one hundred percent VFM at a single screen theater. Go get your buddies today and have a great 2 and a half hours of whistling and hooting at the screen.

By serious standards Jimmy is a train-wreck…but then again it’s Jimmy, who’s serious anyway?

RATING: 5 out of 5 if you enjoy movies like Jimmy like I do.

What the Ratings Mean:

0 - Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 - Mostly Pathetic
2 - Strictly OK
3 - Good
4 - Very Good
5 - Bow Down and Worship!

Speed Racer Review

WHY? WACHOWSKI BROTHERS WHY?

The same guys who directed one of the most successful (and cryptic) trilogies in Hollywood, The Matrix Trilogy seem to have completely lost their minds with this one. The brothers it seems, got tired of all the black and green from their Matrix days and decided to direct a color riot. Actually ‘color riot’ is an understatement,it’s more like the screen was attacked with all the colors in the Asian Paints repertoire!

The plot of the movie is a total run of the mill under dog story. Speed Racer (Yes that is his REAL NAME) played by Emile Hirsch, is a young, hot shot racer with an enormous appetite for success. He drives for his father Pops Racer’s team Racer Motors (once again, Racer Motors is to the other teams what Maruti Go-karts are to a Ferrari). Impressed with Speed’s talent, a corporate biggie, Mr. Royalton (owner of ‘Royalton Motors’) offers him a contract which will help Speed leapfrog to Grand Prix success. But keeping his sanskaars in mind, Speed does not give in to temptation and declines the offer following which Mr. Royalton shows his ugly side and swears that Speed will ‘never win a race, let alone finish the next one). But little does he know that Speed has a guardian angel…Racer X…his since-long ‘deceased’ brother (who faked his death and got a plastic surgery, and changed his voice too in true Ekta Kapoor soap fashion).

Defying the odds one after the other, Speed first ends up on the winning team of a treacherous Cross-Country race, ‘The Casa Cristo’ in which his brother Rex, a.k.a. Racer X died. And finally he realizes his dream and wins the baap of all races, The Grand Prix with the support of Pops, Mom, Spritle, Chim Chim the Chimp and his girlfriend Trixie (Cristina Ricci).

The performances are loaded with over-acting, but then again what do you expect in a Speed Racer adaptation. The $100,000,000 worth special effects are worse than the earliest versions of Need for Speed. This movie is by no means worth a multiplex ticket.

The only saving grace to this one is young Paulie Litt’s performance as Spritle. The kid will have you in splits everytime he’s on screen.

But that apart WHY? WACHOWSKI BROTHERS WHY?

RATING: 1 out of 5.

What the Ratings Mean:

0 - Terrible Beyond Imagination
1 - Mostly Pathetic
2 - Strictly OK
3 - Good
4 - Very Good
5 - Bow Down and Worship!

Young Dads, Old Dads and Trannies!

The Rajasthan Royals may have been defeated thoroughly by the Mumbai Indians yesterday, but some Rajasthani under-19s still scored! In fact under-16s. Move over Ravindra Jadeja, Khiya Ram Jat is the new star from Rajasthan.

Teenagers all over India already consider him a hero. But what exactly did Khiya Ram Jat do that brought him the name and shame fame? All ye virgins, prepare to bow down and worship! Khiya Ram got laid at 14! In your face Steve Carell! He didn’t just get laid at 14 he did it unprotected. In your face I-Pill and ‘Kandome’ commercials! Not only did he get laid at 14 and do it unprotected, he did it with an older (16 year old) chick! In your face wannabe high-school studs! And finally, not only did he get laid at 14, do it unprotected with a 16 year old chick…he was married at 11! In your face bharatmatrimony.com and shaadi.com!

Khiya Ram Jat, enjoyed a celebrity status (more older chicks, fast cars camels and the whole shebang!) for a

good part of a year…until of course he realized that he was now a father! When informed about the birth of his first child Khiya Ram was reported to have said, “Kaise? She didn’t even lay an egg!” following which he became a subject of mockery in the media. At that time a senior villager (89 year old Siya Ram Jat) came to his rescue and yelled to the giggling media men, “Kisi ka mazaak udaana hai to mhaara udaao, saalo!” He later revealed that last year he became a father at the age of 88! “Dekho mhara footo naseeb! Sattar saal camel ka doodh peeya. Jaane kitni laate khai camel ki. Aur jab finally chance aaya to kandome bhool gaya! Mhaari to baj gayi!”

However neither Khiya Ram nor Siya Ram had it as bad as Brazilian football star – Ronaldo. At least they didn’t do it with 3 transvestites!